Beyond the Pain
by debraelq
Summary: Finn and Quinn are suddenly back together, and Kurt finds he's not the only one hurting. Kurt/Puck
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I started this a few months ago, but I'm just now posting it. It is set after Sectionals. There are several similar stories out there but this is my take on it. I do want to mention that this is not going to be a-Puck suddenly realizes he's in love with Kurt- story.

Beyond the Pain

Kurt gripped the side of the sink tightly as the face in the mirror taunted him. His eyes were red and puffy, and his face was blotchy. Usually, he hated how he looked when he cried, but today he didn't care.

He couldn't believe it had happened again. After everything… _everything _that she had put him through. All the lies… the way she treated him. And he still… _still_ went back to her.

Kurt had foolishly held out hope. Even knowing it was utterly hopeless. Even knowing he didn't have much of a chance. He could almost live with that. But not this! Not Finn taking Quinn back after all of the pain she had caused him. Pain that Kurt had helped him through.

It wasn't even his baby!

His chest felt tight, and he was having difficulty breathing. The pain was overwhelming. It was even worse than before.

Because this time it was unexpected. He and Finn had gotten closer as friends, and Finn usually confided in him. But Kurt hadn't known. There wasn't even a hint that Finn and Quinn were getting back together.

Until they announced it a few minutes ago… at Glee club.

The sound of the door crashing open broke through his thoughts. He turned in surprise to see Puck barging through the door. The other boy hadn't seen him yet and for that Kurt was grateful. Puck slammed his hand into the door of the stall, causing it to swing and bang loudly. Then he turned and noticed Kurt staring at him.

"What?" he yelled angrily. Kurt didn't say anything.

Puck ran his hand through his Mohawk. "Damn it! Why are _you_ in here?"

The question sounded rhetorical, but Kurt answered anyway.

"Free country," he mumbled.

"Well, get out!" Puck looked like he might explode or cry, whichever came first.

Kurt didn't care. He was tired of taking orders.

"No," he replied softly but firmly.

"What did you say to me, Hummel?" He advanced on him menacingly.

Kurt looked him in the eyes then. "I said no, Puck."

"You might want to rethink that answer. I could easily kick your ass and not regret one second of it." He stood in front of him with his hands on his hips, and Kurt knew he meant every word.

"Then do it," Kurt said, this time louder. He even stepped forward toward the other boy. "Did you hear me? I said do it already. I'm not afraid of you, Puck. Right now I welcome the pain … I'm not afraid of being hurt, getting beat up … not afraid of dying. So do what you have to do!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Same thing that's bothering you… _the elite couple_. It's messed up… we're messed up."

"Speak for yourself!" He practically spat the words at him.

"Really? So you're fine with it then?"

Puck stepped closer to him, threateningly.

"You're pushing your luck, Kurt." His voice had a hard edge to it. Kurt knew he should be afraid, but he wasn't; he just felt angry.

"Just do it Puck!" Kurt yelled. "I want you to do it already or leave me the hell alone."

"You know what I want, Kurt?" Puck said pushing Kurt hard up against the wall. "I want answers. I want to know why… why Finn? What the hell is so great about him that she picks him over me? Not once… but twice. I'm the father of her baby, and she still picks him," he shouted. "Why is that?"

"You'll have to ask Quinn," Kurt replied.

"I'm asking you, Kurt!" His voice got lower, but it didn't lose any of its intensity or anger. "Why Finn? After all the pain he's put you through… you still want him? Why? Why him? Why not me? What's wrong with me, Kurt?"

Kurt looked at him in surprise.

"You have to ask that after all the torture… the hell… you put me through?"

"He was there, Kurt. Always there in the background. Maybe he didn't throw you in the dumpster, but he was there… holding your coat. Whatever. Did he try to stop it? No! He's just as guilty as I am. So I ask you again…" he said moving nearer to Kurt. "Why Finn?"

He was so close that Kurt could see the anger and the pain in his eyes.

"I don't know, okay? I don't know why. What does it matter? You hate me anyway."

"But that's not the point."

"You aren't gay, Puck."

"Neither is Finn."

His point hit home and caused another stab of pain in Kurt's already wounded heart.

"I'm just so sick of it! Quinn should want me. You should want me! Not Finn!" He was yelling again, and he focused all his energy on Kurt now. He slammed both hands on the wall, one on either side of Kurt's head.

Kurt felt that it was all coming to a head. Puck was going to hit him. He welcomed it. If he was lucky, he would be knocked unconscious and all the pain would end. At least for a little while.

"Go ahead, Puck. You know you want to hurt me. Hurt me for loving Finn. For choosing him over you…"

Puck grabbed his neck then, and Kurt was sure he was going to strangle him. Instead he held Kurt's face between his thumb and forefinger so that he was unable to move.

"What are you going to do, Puck," he whispered fiercely.

In response, Puck crushed his mouth against Kurt's. The kiss was harsh, angry… and unexpected.

It was not the first kiss he'd always dreamed about but at that moment, Kurt didn't care. He understood the kiss… wanted it even. He was angry, frustrated. So he kissed him back. Puck deepened the kiss. He seemed encouraged by Kurt's response. Although he might have responded the same way even if Kurt hadn't wanted it. It was almost like they were fighting to see who could win. Puck pinned him against the wall, reducing the already small amount of space between them.

Kurt felt like he was on fire. A fire that was burning away at the memory of Quinn and Finn together. He put his hands around Puck's neck to pull him closer.

Just as suddenly, Puck pulled away. He was breathing heavily. Kurt just stared at him, the implications of what they had just done starting to become clear.

"What the hell was that, Noah?"

But the other boy just shook his head.

"I'm not gay," he said finally. "I don't like guys… and I especially don't like you."

Kurt was unmoved by his admission. It's not like he cared for him either.

"I mean… no offense… but you're all prissy most of the time and some of the stuff you wear… "

"The feeling is mutual, Puck. I've _never_ liked you. You are a Neanderthal jerk. You're stuck on yourself, and you think everyone should worship you."

Puck just gave him an annoyed look.

"But," Kurt continued, "We're both feeling the same pain right now. There's a connection between us because of what we're going through with Finn and Quinn. That's probably why we …"

"Another problem you have, Kurt," Puck said, interrupting him, "is that you talk way too goddamn much." And with that he grabbed Kurt and pulled him into another fevered kiss … full of anger, frustration, and… need.

And Kurt kissed him back just as hard.


	2. Chapter 2

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 2

Puck wasn't sure how he made it through the next week. He was at times furious, depressed, frustrated, and shocked. Not only at his reaction through the whole Finn/Quinn thing… shouldn't he have expected it?… but also at the fact that he had kissed Kurt. _Kurt! _Oh he understood the need to kiss someone else to purge himself of his feelings for Quinn but really, _Kurt_?

Why not Santana? Brittany, even?

But he also knew the answer to that. He couldn't kiss any of them without letting his anger… frustration show. He didn't want them to know how hard this had affected him.

Kurt… was different. He understood exactly what Puck was going through. He knew that the feelings… the need… the excitement… of the kiss eased the pain just a little bit. Puck had felt as if he was suffocating and, strange as it sounded, kissing Kurt had eased the hold Quinn had on him just enough so he could breathe again. But still… Kurt?

Throughout this week any time he saw Kurt, he'd glare at the other boy… and treat him the same. Or maybe even a little worse than before, minus the hazing, of course. He didn't want Kurt to think he actually liked him… wanted him… definitely not.

Puck put his books away in his locker. He was not ready for lunch. Not ready to see Finn and Quinn together without the distraction of the classes and teachers. As he turned, though, he saw the very thing he was trying to avoid. Finn and Quinn were at her locker, laughing and smiling. And then Finn kissed her. They were down the hall from Puck and, although he wanted to turn away, he wouldn't do it. Maybe if he watched enough he could convince himself that he had no chance, and he could get over her once and for all.

Another figure caught his eye. Kurt was walking down the hall, and Puck could tell the exact moment he saw the happy couple. He stopped and, although he was turned away, Puck knew he had the same exact look of pain and frustration on his face.

Kurt turned away from the image and then saw Puck. They exchanged a look…

_God! How gay did that sound?_

Kurt finally turned and walked the other way. Puck knew, or so he thought, that Kurt wanted him to follow. He took after the other boy keeping his distance. As Kurt walked right past the lunch room, Puck knew for sure he was leading him somewhere.

Kurt led the way into the auditorium. Puck checked to be sure no one noticed before he followed the other boy in.

It was empty of course. Kurt would have known this. He saw movement along the back row of the seats. There were plenty of shadows in the room. He couldn't really see where Kurt was, but at one point he felt a tug on his arm. He turned then and stepped deeper into the shadows. Finally, he could make out Kurt's face. They were close, and he could feel the heat and hear the shallow breathing from the other boy. Kurt looked like he was going to say something but before that could happen, Puck crushed his lips against Kurt's. Talking was the last thing he wanted.

This kiss was different from the last.

He wasn't even sure how. It seemed more purposeful. Of course, he knew what he wanted. He wanted Kurt to kiss him hard enough to deaden the feelings he had inside. It was the only thing that could blur the ache. He pulled Kurt closer, crushing their bodies together. And at this point he realized that he was actually glad Kurt was a guy. He didn't need anything that reminded him of Quinn. Kurt's body fit his own in a way that was foreign, exciting, and he really needed that right now.

He kissed Kurt's face and neck eagerly. He felt like he couldn't get enough. The other boy was responding similarly. He found to his surprise that he was getting aroused by the feel of Kurt against him. This was not something he expected to feel with another guy. He didn't question it, though. He couldn't or he might stop himself. He felt that Kurt was the only thing keeping him alive right now. Kurt groaned as they moved together, his body responding to Puck's and driving him even further. Although Puck felt himself on the edge several times he was able to control it. He had experience after all. Well not with boys but still.

Kurt suddenly pulled away. His expression on his face was shock, and Puck knew he had almost lost control. It was then that Puck realized… what he should have already known. Kurt was inexperienced, innocent even.

What was he doing?

Kurt looked up at him as he gained control of his body… and his breathing. Puck was sure he was going to yell or explode or something…

"Time for lunch," he said haughtily. And then he left Puck there alone in the auditorium.

It took Puck a few minutes to compose himself. When he headed off to the lunch room, he realized for the first time that week that he was actually hungry.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Glee doesn't belong to me. Neither does Ninja Chris. But I wish...

Beyond the Pain

Three

Kurt was walking to Spanish when he felt himself being slammed up against the lockers. His heart thudded in his chest as he looked over at the Neanderthal accosting him. He expected to see Karofsky or Azimio but was surprised by a fuming Noah Puckerman.

"Hummel," he said angrily. "Watch it with that scarf or whatever that thing is around your neck. You almost hit me twice." He leaned in closer with a sneer on his face and whispered, "Are you okay?"

"Leave me alone, Puckerman," he said loudly. Then he added quietly, "Fine."

"You've been avoiding me, Kurt. Why?"

"People are starting to stare at us, Noah."

He raised his voice slightly. "That thing touches me again and I'm gonna light it on fire, Hummel."

"I may be smaller than you Puck but if you touch my Gucci scarf, I will pound you into the ground."

"How about if you just pound into me Kurt," he murmured with a smirk.

"Pervert," he said but without much conviction.

"We need to talk. Meet me behind the bleachers after lunch, Kurt. If you don't show up then I will find you and people _will _talk." Then he added more loudly, "Just keep that thing away from me or you both and your precious scarf will find yourselves in the dumpster."

And with that he sauntered away.

Kurt barely tasted his lunch. He was nervous about meeting Noah. He had thought if he just ignored him then this whole thing would just go away. But was that really what he wanted? He just didn't know anymore.

Puck was waiting for him when he got to the bleachers.

"So what's the deal, Kurt?"

"Nothing, Noah."

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I haven't. "

"Liar."

"Fine… I just… I…"

"Just tell me, Kurt."

"I've never done anything like this before, Noah," he whispered. "You are the first person I have ever kissed… or done anything with. It's a little overwhelming."

"I know, Kurt. And I'd be lying if I said that didn't turn me on a little…"

"Noah, I am not some prize for you to collect… one of your many conquests."

"That's not what I meant, Kurt."

"It's just… this was easier when I was so mad at Finn but now… I'm just not sure anymore."

"So are you saying you want to stop?"

Kurt could hear the pain in the other boy's voice and knew without a doubt that the other boy was not ready for that. "I don't know, Noah. It still hurts when I'm around Finn, but it's not as bad now."

"I don't want to stop, Kurt. I need… this," he said. "But I do understand what you're saying. Even though I've had experience with girls, I've never kissed a boy before. And it's not the same, Kurt. It's scary as hell."

Kurt just nodded his head.

"I'm not sure you understand, Kurt. I've played sports since I was about 6 years old. I've been around sweaty guys … sweaty, naked guys, for as long as I can remember… Are you okay, Kurt?"

"Yeah, go on." Kurt replied weakly.

"Any way, I have never… ever been attracted to a guy. Until now. And I'm not sure how to deal with it." He paused for a second. "So Kurt, when it comes to guys, you were my first. The first guy I kissed, the first guy I wanted to touch, the first guy I wanted to do things… I've never even considered doing before."

Kurt was quiet, thinking about everything Noah had said.

"Say something Kurt."

"You are right, Noah," he said at last. "The thought of being your first… is hot."

"You know what else I've never done with a girl… or a woman before?"

"What?" Kurt asked quietly.

"I've never talked this damn much."

"Then maybe you should shut up for a second and kiss me," Kurt said with a smirk.

Puck growled at him and pulled Kurt toward him by his scarf, roughly. The kiss was passionate and lasted until they both needed to breathe.

"The last couple of days Kurt when you were staring straight ahead, ignoring me…"

Kurt didn't understand why he was bringing it up when they clearly had moved past it. And why was he _still _talking so much when they had a limited amount of time?

"I just had this unbearable urge," Puck continued, "to lick the side of your face."

Kurt gave him a strange look. What the hell?

"I don't know what it was about your sideburns… I just wanted to taste your skin and feel the little hairs against my tongue… and kiss the pulse right there…I know it sounds strange…"

And then Puck licked the side of his face and Kurt no longer thought he was crazy because it felt amazing. He kissed Kurt's face, tenderly. Was this really Noah Puckerman? Badass?

"I want to touch you Kurt," he said.

"I can't , Noah," Kurt whispered. "I've never… I will not be able to control myself. I know it… just the thought…" He shook his head. "These are my favorite jeans, Noah," he added in explanation.

"Fine, Kurt… then I want you to touch me. I don't care at all about these jeans," he added with a smirk.

Kurt was mesmerized by the look in Puck's eyes. He really wanted him. It was such an unusual feeling for him. No one had ever looked at him like that. He reached down shyly and watched Puck's face as he felt him through his jeans. The other boy closed his eyes, gasping for breath.

"Damn, Hummel…" he said. "That feels good."

Kurt felt a surge of power. _He_ was doing this… to Noah Puckerman. And there was no anger this time… just desire. He decided to tease Noah… just a bit.

"You know, Noah," he whispered in the other boy's ear. "Girls can only guess at what feels good to a guy. I know… I know what guys like… what I like. Do you want me to show you what I know, Noah?"

"Hell, yes, Kurt," he said urgently, "but just do it _harder_."

Kurt chuckled as he increased the pressure. It felt so amazing but suddenly he wanted nothing more than to touch Puck without the inconvenience of his clothes.

And so he mentioned it to the already aroused boy, while trying to undo the top button of his jeans.

And that was as far as he got.

"Shit, Kurt!"

And Kurt could only stare at the white liquid oozing out of the top of Noah jeans onto his tanned, muscular stomach. He had never seen anything quite so erotic before.

As Kurt stared, Puck regained his breath.

"I think you should help me clean up, Kurt," he said finally.

"I am sorry, Noah," he replied. "I have to get to class."

"Didn't anyone ever tell you to clean up your messes?"

"Yes, actually. But when I think of all those slushies to the face that I cleaned up without _your_ help, Noah. Well, Karma's a bitch."

And with that he walked away with a smile on his face. The memory of Noah growling his name as he came would last him all day.

And he doubted he would think of Finn at all.

A/N: I know Puck is nicer in this one but don't worry badass Puck will be back. It's in his nature after all.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Surely you know by now that Glee does not belong to me.

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 4

Puck was really looking forward to the end of Glee rehearsal. He and Kurt had a standing…

_what?_

It wasn't like a date. No, it was more like a 'meet and greet'. He smirked at that thought.

They would always get together after Glee because that was when they seemed to need each other the most. They had found an unused classroom to meet in. Of course, they could have just met off school grounds, but it was too complicated trying to find a place to get together… and sometimes they didn't want to take the extra time.

Puck knew this was going to be one of those times as he watched Finn walk over to Kurt. Why didn't Finn just leave him alone? Puck had a theory that Finn got off on Kurt's fawning all over him, but he knew to keep his ideas to himself. Still, Kurt was probably going to need back-up.

As he moved closer, his suspicions were confirmed.

"You know ... we haven't hung out in a while, Kurt," he heard Finn say.

"I've been busy, Finn," the other boy replied simply.

"I know… me, too."

Kurt just stared at him. He looked annoyed, and Puck was glad to see that instead of the sadness he usually wore around the quarterback.

"It's just," Finn said in a quieter voice, "I've missed you, Kurt."

Puck almost punched his ex-best friend right then. Really, what kind of thing was that to say?

He could see the sadness and longing return to Kurt's eyes, although the other boy had tried to hide it.

"I thought maybe we could just hang out… like we used to."

"He can't," Puck said, interrupting them. "He's busy."

They both looked at him in surprise.

"We're supposed to be finishing that science project, Hummel. I hope you didn't forget… 'cuz you're not leaving me to do it all by myself."

"Of course, I remember," Kurt snapped, but Puck could hear the relief in his voice… and was there a twinge of regret? Did Kurt really want to go with Finn? Probably, but Puck wasn't going to let him get sucked in again.

Finn just glared at Puck, and he returned the look angrily. He was tempted once again to just start pounding on him.

Kurt must have realized this judging by his next statement.

"I'll be with you in a minute, Puck. Meet you in the same place as last time?"

"Yeah," he replied before reluctantly leaving…

_Just walk away…_

8888

Puck waited patiently at their meeting place. He really hoped Kurt hadn't succumbed to Finn's dejected puppy dog act. Otherwise, he might have to hunt them down and… well, he wouldn't think about that.

He felt impatient, although, he was used to being at their meeting place well before Kurt. After all, Kurt had friends he had to separate from after Glee. That was something Puck didn't have to worry about. No one stopped him to chat about what they were doing later. No one really cared…

"Oh, God, Noah," Kurt breathed as he rushed into the room. "Thank you!"

"No prob, babe."

"I am not your babe," Kurt said as he kissed him softly.

"Would you rather I called you dude?"

But Kurt wasn't listening. He was holding on to Puck tightly, and his body seemed to be shaking.

Puck pulled back confirming his suspicions. Kurt had tears streaming down his face.

"Damn," Puck swore softly. "I'm going to kill him."

Kurt laughed a little through his tears.

"No need for that…" he said. "It's my fault, not Finn's."

"Not true, Kurt. He shouldn't string you along like this."

"He doesn't even know how I feel, Noah."

"Really, Kurt? I wouldn't be so sure."

"Why do you say that?" he asked quietly through his sobs.

"Do you remember when Matt got a spider in his ear? He was out for a whole week."

"Yeah," Kurt said obviously confused.

"When he got back… I can guarantee you that none of the other guys said… 'I missed you, Matt'. Guys… Well, they just don't say stuff like that to each other."

"You've told me that you missed me, Noah."

"If you think about it," he continued, "you've just proved my point, Kurt."

"S…so... you're saying that Finn might like me more than just as a friend?"

"It's possible, but that's not really what I'm saying either. I think he knows that you like him, on some level, and he likes the attention. You're just another girl for him to string along."

"I am _not _a girl!"

"Babe, you don't have to tell me. I know that first hand," he smirked.

Unfortunately, Puck did not get the reaction he wanted from the other boy. Kurt just sighed as he buried his face further into Puck's chest.

"Sorry, Noah," he said tearfully. "I'm just such an idiot."

"Hey, Kurt… it's okay. You think this hasn't happened to me?"

"What?"

"I've cried my eyes out over Quinn more times than I want to think about."

"You… crying?"

"Hey, I may be a badass, but I got feelings, too." Then he added before Kurt could say anything, "And if you tell anyone, I'll give you a patriotic wedgie you will never forget!"

Kurt laughed then but only for a moment.

"Why do I keep doing this to myself? He's never going to want me… no one's ever going to want me…" he mumbled sadly.

Puck pulled Kurt away from him so that he could see his face.

"Are you done yet?"

"What?" Kurt asked, surprised at the tone in Puck's voice.

"With your little pity party. Let me know when you're all done."

"I don't… understand."

"It's just a bunch of crap, Kurt, and you know it."

His attitude snapped Kurt out of his melancholy mood and right into Diva mode.

"Excuse me?" he said pulling away from the other boy.

"Come on, Kurt. You have the hottest guy in school drooling all over you…"

"Stuck on yourself, much?"

But the Mohawked teen just ignored him. "And the Puckzilla doesn't even like guys. Face it Hummel, you are just that hot."

Kurt smiled at him then.

"I'm serious, Kurt. How do you know if guys like you? You can't see past Finn long enough to find out."

"Noah, there just aren't any other gay guys in this school."

"That's where you're wrong, Kurt."

"Really and how would you know?"

"Have you seen my guns?" he said flexing his arms.

Kurt smiled as he took the opportunity to touch Noah's arms, fondly.

"You think the girls are the only ones looking at me? I have caught a few guys drooling over the Puckster's body."

Kurt laughed then. "Names, Noah. I need names."

"Hell, no, Kurt," he replied. "Maybe one day. When you're ready. But for now, you're all mine."

He accented his words with actions as he pulled Kurt closer and kissed him.

Kurt squeaked in surprise when Puck grabbed his behind.

"Mine," he repeated as he kissed Kurt's neck.

"I'm not an object, Noah," Kurt said but he still sounded pleased.

"Course not," Puck mumbled as he nibbled on Kurt's jaw.

"So, Noah, about that science project."

"What did you have in mind?" Puck asked, still distracted by the curve of Kurt's neck.

"We could see how long we can go without breathing…"

"Hmmm," Puck rubbed his hand over Kurt's shoulder blades and down his back.

"Or we could explore the relationship between heat and friction…" Kurt demonstrated by pressing against him, eliciting a moan from the other boy.

"God, Kurt," he said. "It almost makes me wish we actually had a science project."

"Or," Kurt continued as if he hadn't spoken. "We could blindfold you and see if your other senses are intensified…" Kurt leaned in closer to him. "Your sense of smell…" He kissed him below the ear. "Your sense of hearing…" he whispered seductively. "Your sense of touch…" he said as he brushed his hand against the bulge in Puck's jeans. "And your sense of taste… _especially_ your sense of taste…"

"This proves I was right about one thing," Puck said breathlessly as Kurt reached up to kiss him.

Kurt stopped inches away from his lips. "What's that?" he asked his voice lowered by desire.

"You are amazing, Kurt…. I mean, who else could make science sound so hot?"

Kurt chuckled then. 'Oh, Noah," he said. "You haven't seen anything, yet. Wait until we get to the labs portion."

Puck growled then until Kurt, finally, kissed him.

And Puck swore he could almost feel the earth shattering.

8888

A/N: Wait a minute! How did all that fluff get into my angsty fic? I guess I just can't help myself. :)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hey, guys! Thanks for sticking with my story. I hope you are all enjoying it. It's going to get a little more angsty but still with humor and plenty of hotness. Thanks for the reviews!

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 5

Over the course of the next week, Kurt and Puck had established a routine. They met by the dumpsters before school each day. At first Kurt was worried that it might be a dangerous place to meet, but Puck was able to convince him. Since they both arrived at the school really early they were there before the jocks. Puck's mom was shocked to say the least at her son's new routine; she normally had to practically drag the boy out of the bed for school.

Those early interactions weren't much, a few kisses, a few words to steel them for the day. Although one day it had gotten a little more involved and Kurt had to pull away. He stated that he wasn't trading one trip to the bathroom to get cleaned up for another, even if it was for a more enjoyable reason. As he walked haughtily away, he left Puck with an enjoyable view of his ass.

They also met after lunch, after Glee practice, and at the end of the day, usually in an unused classroom. The morning prepared them for the day, the end helped them unwind, and after lunch was just a booster shot. Often there would be little unscheduled stops when one of them would need some extra help. Sometimes it was Kurt and sometimes Puck. A quick kiss, a little touch, a couple of encouraging words would be all they would need to make things better for a while.

Although it made things easier… easier to manage the intense feelings, their trysts also worried him. Puck had noticed a certain look in Kurt's eyes, one that concerned him. He reminded himself once again that this was Kurt's first reciprocated relationship with a boy. The last think he needed was for Kurt to like him a little too much. Puck wasn't sure what to do about it. Of course he had seen that look from girls, and he usually just broke it off. He didn't want to be tied down. That's why Santana was great; she was never really serious.

But he couldn't stop. He knew he should, but he couldn't. He needed this. He needed Kurt more than he wanted to admit.

It was Wednesday, and luckily no Glee practice. Puck felt he could clear his mind enough to figure out what to do about Kurt.

"We need to talk."

Puck was at this locker, and he closed his eyes when he heard the words. They really were the most dreaded words in the English language.

"Noah?"

He turned to face Quinn.

"I have nothing to say."

"I feel like I owe you an explanation," she said.

"You do," he replied. "I just don't want to hear it."

She gave him that sad look… the one that usually made him melt. It didn't help that she was so damn beautiful.

He was reminded of the looks that Finn gave Kurt. What would he tell Kurt to do? He would tell him not to let himself get sucked in.

"You know what, Quinn? It's cool. You and Finn are together… and it's fine. Actually, you two kind of deserve each other."

She looked a little hurt at his words, but he shrugged it off.

"Sorry, but I got somewhere else to be."

And he left her standing by the lockers looking miserable. But he didn't care. He was proud of himself for just walking away.

But he was definitely in need of some Kurt therapy.

*x*x*x

Puck pulled Kurt to him hungrily. The kiss was intense as their tongues twisted together.

It hadn't been difficult to find Kurt. It was easier still to signal him, and then when no one was looking, to drag him into the janitor's closet.

Kurt hadn't put up any resistance. He hadn't talked, and Puck didn't volunteer any information. He just attacked his lips with fervor.

Kurt finally pushed Puck away, and he felt a little hurt at first.

"I need air, Noah," he explained, and then he sighed as his eyes adjusted to the dark.

Puck knew he looked like hell, but Kurt's look confirmed it.

"What did she do?"

"Let's just say she's taking lessons from Finn and leave it at that."

Kurt touched his face gently, and Puck felt another moment of guilt. Even though it was mutual he was taking advantage of Kurt's lack of experience. What was wrong with him? That had never bothered him before… not with any of the girls he'd been with.

"That bitch," Kurt murmured, and Puck was surprised to feel a moment of irritation. He brushed it aside. Was he really about to defend Quinn?

"I don't want to talk, Kurt. I need you to…"

But Kurt put a finger up to his lips.

"I know, Noah," he said. "I know exactly what you need."

He kissed Puck's neck nipping the skin. God! That was hot.

And then he reached around and grabbed Puck's ass, pulling him toward him.

It hadn't taken long for Puck to get aroused and for his mind to cloud over with lust.

"Now," Kurt continued, "I want you to think of me, Noah… all day… only me and how I'm going to help you take care of this when we meet after school." He punctuated his words by reaching down and grabbing Puck's erection.

"Shit, Hummel," he groaned.

Kurt chuckled as he let go.

"I'll leave first," the other boy continued. "So you can have time to compose yourself."

*x*x*x*

Puck had to admit, Kurt's plan almost worked. He was half hard all day as his thoughts strayed to the other boy. Their encounter had been after lunch, so he really only had a few hours to wait. Then Kurt had promised to help take care of his problem. Kurt always kept his promises, and Puck wondered how he was going to accomplish the task… with his hands? ... with his mouth? And he had to keep himself from groaning at that point right in the middle of history class.

As he left, smiling at the thought of meeting Kurt in the next few minutes, he was stopped by Quinn. It was a testament to Kurt's healing powers that he had forgotten she was even in the class with him.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Noah." And she left him there. His earlier pain resurfaced. Damn her!

Puck made it to the unused class room as quickly as he could, but Kurt wasn't there yet. He stood by the windows staring out. The blinds were drawn so he couldn't see anything, but it didn't matter… all he could see was Quinn and her sad eyes. "I'm sorry, Noah," was on repeat in his head.

Suddenly he felt warm hands wrap around him. He felt relief almost immediately as Kurt laid his head on his back. Kurt would make everything better. The tightness let up, and Puck found he had tears in his eyes. He really hated crying. At least it was just Kurt; he had already admitted that weakness to the other boy.

Puck felt grateful at Kurt's silence as the other boy's hands wandered underneath his shirt. He really didn't want to talk.

Kurt traced the outlines of his muscles lightly. Then one hand pulled the shirt up so he could kiss the sensitive skin on his back. Quinn's memory faded some as the feel of Kurt's hands on his hips. His sweet smell invaded Puck's mind and gave him peace.

However, the peace was short lived as his body ignited at the feel of Kurt's wandering hands. Puck wanted him, needed him so much.

"Kurt," he moaned.

"Say it again, Noah… It's so hot when you say my name like that." And he moved his fingers to teasingly trace along the edge of his jeans.

"Fuck, Kurt," he moaned. Kurt chuckled as he correctly interpreted the demand in his voice.

Puck leaned back into the smaller boy as Kurt undid his jeans and one hand slipped inside.

His eyes drifted shut and he willed himself to hold back. This was not an area he usually had trouble with … and he had been irritated at himself for how he'd lost control the other day. His only excuse was that he had been unprepared for how aroused he was just by Kurt touching him through his jeans. This time he was more prepared.

He groaned in response to the intense feelings. Kurt's fingers skimmed over his stomach and chest as his other hand squeezed causing Puck to gasp. Although it felt amazing, this was one time he really regretted not going commando. He wanted to feel Kurt's hand on his skin, instead of through his underwear.

"Noah," Kurt said his breath teasing the back of his neck. "Have you been thinking about me all day? About this?" he squeezed again, and Puck tried to push harder against his hand.

"You know I have, Kurt," he said, his breath ragged. "Now quite teasing me and really touch me," he commanded. He tried to move Kurt's hand but the other boy just slapped his hands away.

"Patience, Noah." Kurt then removed both his hands, and Noah had to keep himself from whimpering in disappointment.

But Kurt obviously had other plans because he pulled on Puck's jeans until they were around his ankles. Puck looked worriedly at the door. Correctly interpreting his look, Kurt whispered, "It's locked."

Puck sighed in relief. No one ever came into the classroom except when it was cleaned. That wasn't often since Figgins had laid off half of the janitorial staff and the room was unused.

Then Kurt pulled down his underwear. Puck was surprised to find that standing there, with his clothes around his ankles, left him feeling a little exposed and helpless… and definitely aroused.

"That's better," Kurt announced pressing up against him once again. Puck could feel his arousal as the rough texture of his jeans caressed his skin.

Kurt reached around again, his hands returning to their earlier tasks.

"Oh God, Kurt," he breathed. Even though Kurt had limited experience, he still seemed to know exactly what Puck wanted him to do. That made him think of Kurt doing that to himself, and it almost put him over. He wanted more, and yet… he didn't want it to be over too quickly.

Kurt grinded against him while stroking him, and soon Puck couldn't think at all. All he could feel was Kurt… his hands… his body… his mouth…

And suddenly it was over, the thick white liquid spewing all over his stomach and legs. As his breathing slowed and thought returned, Puck realized that Kurt was still pressed against him and was still hard as a rock.

"You want me to help you with that?" he asked seductively.

"No thanks, although I appreciate the thought, Noah," he said as he stepped back. "But today is all about you. Just give me a minute, though."

Puck didn't turn around but he could hear Kurt taking several deep breaths. It wasn't long before the other boy was standing in front of him. He had a smile on his face as he observed his handiwork.

"Pleased with yourself?" Puck asked.

"Immensely," Kurt said with a smirk.

"Well, damn, Hummel. You should be. I guess you're going to just leave me like this?"

"Not today, Noah. I actually came prepared," he said as he reached into his abandoned backpack. "Moist towelettes," he said. "Great for removing oil, make-up, and … other things."

Puck smiled. Kurt was really quite adorable at times. He watched as Kurt tenderly cleaned the mess from his skin. Of course, with Kurt kneeling in front of him and rubbing his skin like that, his body had other ideas that had nothing to do with cleanliness.

Kurt smirked up at him. "Problem, Noah?"

"Not necessarily…" he said with a grin.

Kurt just smiled back and returned to his task. Finally finished he stood up and then placed the dirty wipes in a zip-lock bag. He really was prepared… no sense in leaving any evidence behind of their time together.

"Well, you're going to have to take care of that one yourself," Kurt said gesturing toward Puck's obvious arousal. "I have to go."

Puck just gave his a sexy grin as he resituated his clothing.

Kurt smiled and leaned in to quickly kiss Puck. As he stated to move away, Puck pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. It wasn't rushed or insistent … in fact, it wasn't their usual kiss at all. This was gentle and soft. As he ended the kiss Puck whispered in the smaller boy's ear, "Thanks, Kurt."

"You are more than welcome, Noah," he replied before putting some distance between them. "See you tomorrow."

After he was gone, Puck just stood by the window… his thoughts on Kurt and how quickly things were changing between them.

What was he going to do now?


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks to everyone reading and reviewing my story! I just want to remind you guys that the category for this story is angst... in case you forgot. There will continue to be humor and lovely smut ... just not in this chapter. It actually amuses me that most people have to put a smut warning on some of their chapters, and I have to put a no-smut warning on mine. :)

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 6

Glee practice was almost painful. Usually Kurt couldn't wait for the club to start, but today he just wanted it to be over.

Kurt sighed loudly. He knew it was loud, because of the perplexed look Mercedes was giving him and the annoyed glare he received from Mr. Schue.

He ignored both of them. His mind was in turmoil and the worse thing was… he didn't even know why. Yesterday, he'd been on top of the world. He had felt such a thrill after his encounter with Noah.

Not only had he helped Noah through a difficult time, but he knew Noah trusted him… judging by how he had let Kurt take over. Noah had lost control because of Kurt, and that was a heady feeling for the smaller boy. So he should be happy or at least content with how things were going. But the truth was… Noah was the reason he was sad.

It had nothing to do with Finn, and that in itself was surprising. In fact, he hadn't really thought of the other boy much at all. That was progress, and yet Kurt felt as if he still had a weight on his shoulders.

Something had triggered his morose feelings, but he had no idea what. He thought through all of yesterday and today to try and figure it out, but it was no use.

He finally gave up, but he still couldn't shake the sadness enveloping him.

"Kurt?" Mr. Schue said. "Is there a problem?"

"No, Mr. Schue," he replied.

"Okay, then. Let's move on to our next assignment. It's due next Thursday. I want you guys to realize that things are going to get more difficult now. We won Sectionals, but we still have Regionals, and it's not going to be easy. Lately, I've noticed that everyone seems to be giving up when things get tough. What I want you to do is think of something difficult you've gone through and how you've overcome it. Pick a song that reflects that."

Even before he was done hands flew up into the air.

He started with the easiest.

"Yes, Brittany?"

"So we can sing about anything?"

"No, only something that's hard for you," he explained.

"But _everything's_ hard for me," she whispered to Santana.

Kurt patiently kept his hand up, even as the Glee teacher ignored him. He felt like Mr. Schue was trying to punish him for earlier.

"Yes, Rachel?"

Was that a sigh of resignation in their teacher's voice?

"I for one think this is a great assignment. There has been a noticeable lack of …"

"Rachel," Mr. Schue interrupted. "Do you have an actual question?"

Her mouth was still open as if wanting to finish. She closed it, giving them all an annoyed look as she sat back down.

Kurt looked at the teacher pointedly, his hand still in the air.

"Yes, Kurt?" Mr. Schue asked finally.

Even though he was prepared to ask the question, Kurt still blushed slightly.

"Do we have to explain what our song is about? What adversity we are going through?"

That took the Spanish teacher by surprise. "Um, No… I guess not. Only if you want to. This assignment is about connecting with your feelings and trying to overcome difficulty in your life, so you don't have to share your reasoning if you don't want to."

Kurt nodded his head and looked over at Puck. As he caught the other boy's eye, he knew Noah was thinking the same thing he was…They could sing about Quinn and Finn. This would be a good way to express all the pain and frustration they were feeling. It might also let Finn and Quinn know that they were moving on without them.

The rest of the class was uneventful. Kurt cleared his mind and just listened to the Glee instructor. Every once in a while he would look over at Puck. Sometimes he caught the other boy looking back at him with concern. Kurt knew he had seemed distant all day, but Puck didn't push the issue.

At one point Mercedes and Quinn (to the annoyance of Rachel and the relief of everyone else) were singing a song that was a possible for Regionals, and Kurt looked over at Puck. He was staring at Quinn with such longing …

And suddenly an image popped into Kurt's head… of an almost naked Puck, his clothes around his ankles, a milky liquid streaked on his body, and a smirk on his face. And just as suddenly, Kurt knew what had triggered his sadness.

In complete contrast to everything else about him… Puck's eyes were red, and he had dried tears streaked on his face. And Kurt knew then what he'd been trying to avoid. Puck wasn't angry that Quinn had picked his best friend over him… or that he was the father of her baby and should be the one with her… or even that he was the biggest stud around and should always get the girl…

Puck was honest to goodness madly in love with Quinn and nothing Kurt could do or say would ever change that. It further emphasized the realization, that even if Puck recovered from this heartbreak, he would always, always love women.

And the thought was devastating to Kurt. It wasn't that he was in love with Puck, just that he had come to rely on him so much in a short amount of time. And really, he could so easily fall for the other boy...

Kurt firmly put the mask over his face and his emotions. He was _not_ going to do this again. Loving Finn had been painful enough.

The bell rang, and they all filed out of the choir room. Kurt was not paying attention. He was still thinking about Puck and so was surprised to find himself in the middle of a traffic jam. Someone in front had stopped and no one else could get around. He didn't even bother to see what the problem was… Artie having difficulty with his chair again… or Brittany forgetting that she was supposed to be walking. He just patiently waited for the path to clear, and he was aware of the others queuing up behind him.

"What's the hold up, Hummel? Stopping to put on your make up? Or to fix your hair?"

Although the words coming from Puck's mouth were sarcastic, they were in a direct contrast to the hand seductively trailing down Kurt's back. He couldn't help it; he leaned into the touch sending shivers down his spine. They were all crowded together, and no one else could see the intimate contact between the boys.

"In a hurry, Puck?" he said, without turning around.

"Yeah, some of us have important things to do."

"Really? I realize you need to get down to the liquor store so you can wait outside, looking sad, for someone to buy you beer. While, that's important, I'm sure a few more minutes won't make that much of a difference."

"Well, it's more important than anything you got going on." As he spoke he slipped his hand under Kurt's shirt, making the other boy gasp slightly.

"Could you guys stop bickering? Puck, just leave Kurt alone."

If anyone else but Finn had made this statement, it would have been fine. Kurt could feel Puck tensing up at the sound of the quarterback's voice. The hand on his back kneaded his flesh firmly in reaction.

"It's fine, Noah," Kurt whispered before the other boy could say anything.

Kurt's voice had a slight edge to it. Finn had no right to try and stand up for him. Before, that would have made him so happy, but now it just pissed him off.

He willed Puck not to say anything. There was no need for him to get into it with Finn.

Luckily at that point the line started moving, and everyone made their way out of the choir room. Kurt moved quickly. He had no desire to talk to Finn or even Puck. His mind was in turmoil over the events of the last two days.

"What's your hurry, white boy?" Mercedes asked, trying to catch up with him.

"I just need to get home… there's a Jean-Claude Van Damme marathon on TMC."

She gave him a confused look.

"What? Have you seen him? He's hot!"

"Okay, Kurt, honey? You really need a boyfriend. Your life is more boring than mine even, and that's hard."

Kurt smiled to himself as he waved good bye to his friend; if she only knew.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Glee does not belong to me. Obviously. Thanks for all the support for my story. I honestly didn't know if you guys would like it when I started it. It was just something that had popped into my head and wouldn't go away. I am having a lot of fun with it though. Thanks for the reviews and favorites!

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 7

Puck paced as he waited anxiously for Kurt to arrive. It wasn't that he was surprised Kurt was taking so long, since he had seen Mercedes stop him in the hallway. He was just worried because Kurt had been acting strange all day. Any time they met, he seemed reserved and… sad. Puck was sure it had something to do with him, but he couldn't figure out what it was. Did he do something to make Kurt upset?

That was one of the reasons why Puck was so jittery. What if Kurt decided he didn't want to do this anymore? Puck didn't want to stop… he couldn't… he still needed Kurt so much.

Of course, Kurt's absence could have something to do with Finn. Puck thought back to earlier. Why couldn't he just leave Kurt alone? He almost said something to the quarterback, but Finn would think it strange if Puck stood up for Kurt. And he really didn't want their relationship to become public.

He stopped, running a hand through his Mohawk. Where was Kurt? He was never this late.

_He's not coming._

And as soon as he thought it, Puck knew he was right. Something was definitely up with the fashionable boy.

But he wasn't going to just let it go, either. If he knew Kurt, there was one place he would be.

x)(0)(x)(0)(x

Kurt's fingers skimmed lightly across the piano keys. Puck was probably furious with him. It wasn't like he intentionally skipped out on him. It was just that he had forgotten his book bag in the choir room. His thoughts had been on the jock, so really it was the other boy's fault.

Once he found his bag, he sat down at the piano. Kurt always felt better when he played; it reminded him of his mom. He really didn't want to leave, and he wasn't sure what to even say to Puck. It was easier just to avoid the whole situation.

Although he knew he was being a coward, he just wasn't sure he could face him right now.

Kurt felt a prickly feeling at the back of his neck and turned around to see Puck standing there, looking at him intently.

"Hey, Kurt. What's up?"

"I just forgot my book bag."

The other boy didn't respond as he walked closer into the room. He continued to give him a speculative glance that Kurt found unnerving.

Kurt stood up, not looking at Puck.

"Actually, I need to get home. My dad needs my help."

Puck grabbed his arm as he tried to walk by, effectively stopping him from leaving.

"What's wrong, babe?"

"I am not your babe, Puck. Now let me go," Kurt said irritably. He didn't really mean to snap at him, but the whole situation was making him really tense.

"Kurt? What's the deal? Did I do something to upset you?"

But Kurt just sighed heavily and looked up at the other boy. "Fine. You want me to stay? I'll stay… but I _don't_ want to talk."

"But Kurt…"

"God, Noah! Would you just shut up and kiss me?"

Kurt pulled him closer so he could reach his open mouth. He knew the kiss felt desperate; he just wanted to hold onto Puck for as long as possible.

After a few minutes of heated, frantic kissing, Puck gently pushed him away.

"Kurt…"

"It's fine, Noah."

"Talk to me," he demanded and Kurt sighed.

"We're pathetic," he whispered.

"Speak for yourself. I'm not pathetic. I'm a badass."

"Fine, you're a _pathetic_ badass," he snapped.

"You know, Kurt, I think you're trying to piss me off."

"Now why would I do that?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

Kurt looked away to avoid answering him. But he could feel Puck's intense stare and the silence became unbearable.

"You've been so nice to me lately, Noah," he said finally looking up at the other boy. He placed his hands on Puck's face. "And what I need… is for you to _cut it out_." He punctuated his statement with a light slap to the jock's face.

"Hey!" Puck said grabbing Kurt's wrists and pulling his hands down. "What the hell, Hummel. You're getting what you wanted. Now I'm pissed."

"Good," Kurt responded angrily. "Because I need this. I need to feel the anger, Puck. Anger is safe. It's something I understand."

Puck just stared at him like he'd gone insane… which perhaps he had.

"I can't afford to feel anything else, Noah. If I let down my guard…" he said, his eyes starting to water. "If I let myself feel anything … I'm afraid I might… fall for you…" His voice was soft, his anger spent. "What good does it do to trade one straight jock crush for another?" he said with a harsh laugh.

"You're right, Kurt," Puck said seriously. "You can't fall for me. This, while being helpful and enjoyable even, is not who I am. I'm not gay. I know it for a certainty, and this will never be who I am. I don't want to break your heart, Kurt. And I will not lead you on like Finn does. What we have is intense, amazing even. But that's all it will ever be."

"I know that, Puck," he said softly.

"Besides, Kurt," he continued. "You don't want someone like me. I'm not what you want in a guy."

"Actually," Kurt said dryly, "I would just like a 'guy' in a guy."

"Don't do that, Kurt. You're extremely picky. Be picky. You're amazing, and you deserve someone who's amazing. Someone who can give you everything you want. Someone who's more into guys than girls."

"Noah," he said. "What did I tell you about being nice to me?" But he couldn't help but smile at the other boy.

"Don't get me wrong, Kurt. I do want you. At first, it was all about the anger. Almost punishing …both of us. You helped me deaden the pain… made me feel alive again. But now Kurt… I can honestly say that it's not all about that anymore. I want you. You're sexy as hell, and you're always there for me, Kurt… if not in person, than in my fantasies."

Kurt's mouth went dry.

"You… fantasize about me?"

"Oh, yeah, Kurt. I think about you all the time. I imagine taking you right here in the music room. Sometimes Finn and Quinn are even here with shocked looks on their faces."

"That's just disturbing, Noah."

"Yeah, I know. Usually, it's just me and you… and you want me so bad."

When had his voice changed to seductive mode? Kurt had a hard time resisting him when he talked to him like that. His body was reacting just to the sound of it.

'And I make you come screaming my name… ruining your designer clothes, Kurt. But you don't even care."

"That will never happen, Noah."

"Are you challenging me, Kurt? Challenging my badassness?"

Kurt knew he was in trouble, but he couldn't back down. Puck already had the upper hand.

"Of course not, Noah. But I _love_ my clothes; I would never let you ruin them."

"I think that's a challenge, Kurt. And I _am_ a badass."

Puck backed Kurt up against the piano and put his hands on either side of it, effectively trapping Kurt. He was not touching him, but he was _oh_ so close.

"In those tight jeans, I can see everything, Kurt. I can see just how much you want me, need me right now…"

"It's not like it's a secret," Kurt whispered.

"It wouldn't take much, would it Kurt? Just a light touch? A stroke… and it would all be over?"

Kurt didn't answer; he couldn't. He just turned his head away.

"Look at me Kurt. I want you to look at me."

And he did. He couldn't resist him. Puck's brown eyes were intense.

"God, I want you so much Kurt. I want to touch you right now, but I won't."

Kurt looked at him then in surprise.

"I won't touch you… I want you to lose control, Kurt. I want you to lose it without me ever touching you."

"Noah, don't do this please?"

"You're not helping yourself, Kurt. I like it when you beg…"

He didn't say anything then. He didn't know what to say or what to do.

He wasn't even sure what he wanted.

Noah leaned in closer, his lips almost touching Kurt's neck. He breathed in slowly.

"You smell so good, Kurt. All turned on like this. I want to kiss you… lick you… taste you…"

"Please, Noah," he said with a whimper.

"What do you want, Kurt?"

"Touch me?" His voice was pleading.

"Against the rules, Kurt."

"Fuck the rules, Noah!"

Kurt couldn't see it, but he could almost feel Puck's smile.

"But you can touch yourself, Kurt. I want you to… I want to watch…"

"No."

"You need relief, Kurt. You want release… I know _that _has to be painful," he said stepping back to look down at Kurt's evident bulge.

"Noah," he moaned softly.

"Undo your pants, Kurt…"

"Someone might see."

"No one will be able to see, except for me. I want to see, Kurt. Show me. I know you want to."

Kurt tried to resist, he really did, but he couldn't. He undid the button and unzipped his skinny jeans. His hands were shaking as Puck watched his every move. That excited him even more.

He felt some relief as he was freed from his constrictive clothing. He could see the desire in Puck's eyes and it was intoxicating. No matter what, Noah wanted him.

"Now touch yourself, Kurt. Pretend it's me touching you, stroking you." As he did what the other boy asked he could hear Puck's shaky breath. He realized the jock was losing some of his control.

"God, Kurt! That's so freaking hot!"

Kurt was having difficulty breathing himself, as he moved his hands up and down.

"Shut your eyes, Kurt."

And he did as the other boys asked.

"I love the feel of you in my hands, Kurt. I love touching you as I squeeze tighter and tighter, faster and faster…"

He imagined Puck's hands on him as his seductive voice caressed him. Kurt cried out as the feelings overtook him, and he lost control.

Puck was strangely silent as Kurt's mind tried to focus once more. The first thing he noticed was that he had, in fact, gotten stuff all over his clothes.

His expensive clothes.

"Yeah, just like that, Kurt. Although that may have been better even than my fantasy," Noah said with a smirk.

Kurt glared at him, angry that he had let the other boy manipulate him.

Puck looked him up and down, shaking his head.

"You made quite a mess."

Kurt was feeling a myriad of things… sadness, frustration, self loathing… and the way Puck was smiling at him, enjoying his discomfort just really pissed him off.

"Puck, you're such an ass."

"Yeah, I know, babe."

Kurt seethed, trying to think of something to say that would accurately convey his displeasure.

"You might want to clean that up. You know, before it stains or something and ruins your pretty clothes."

"God, I hate you so much, Noah!" Kurt said angrily.

"Yeah, babe, I know," he said, this time more seriously, as he kissed Kurt on the cheek. "You're welcome," he whispered in his ear before walking out and leaving Kurt all alone.


	8. Chapter 8

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 8

"Hey, Puck? What's up with you lately?"

"Nothing," he said dismissively to the girl next to him.

Santana gave him a disbelieving look but didn't press the issue. Normally, if it wasn't about her, the Cheerios, or Brittany, she wasn't all that interested. She loved to gossip though, and he figured that was her angle for asking. Like he was going to share anything with her… especially about his relationship with Kurt.

He had a relationship with Kurt. It seemed like such a strange thing to admit. And two weeks ago he would have either laughed or more likely punched anyone who suggested he would be close to the other boy.

Especially considering how _close_ they had become.

And now Kurt was ignoring him. Although it wasn't a full 'going out of his way so he wouldn't have to see him' type of avoidance, he just hadn't been at their usual meeting places. Puck had been at the dumpster early that morning, just in case, but Kurt hadn't showed. Although he wasn't all that surprised; Kurt had been really angry with him yesterday.

But wasn't that what Kurt wanted?

And yet every once in a while he would catch the other boy looking at him. At those times, he didn't look angry or even sad. It was more contemplative. As if he was trying to work the whole thing out in his head. Puck hoped he was able to figure it out. Maybe then he could explain it to him; Puck was so confused, it was pathetic.

_You're a pathetic badass. _

Kurt's words came back to him, and he looked over at him. The other boy was laughing at something Mercedes was saying without Mr. Schue noticing. Was there anyone actually paying attention in Spanish? Kurt's smile didn't reach his eyes, though, and Puck knew he was the cause of that this time… and not Finn.

Puck had to admit that he really missed him. It wasn't just physical, either. He missed talking to Kurt, laughing with him, and even arguing with the other boy. As Puck watched him, his eyes strayed to Kurt's mouth. He _really_ missed kissing him today. The other boy just seemed to be able to make everything alright.

Mercedes turned then and caught him staring at them… at Kurt. She gave him an evil glare before turning back to her friend. Kurt had followed her glance, but still Puck didn't look away. The other boy blushed and then answered whatever question Mercedes had… probably about him.

Puck turned away, trying belatedly to concentrate on the Spanish lesson. Of course, it was no use… and he was glad at least that the sadness and pain he was feeling, for once, had nothing to do with Quinn.

)()()(

"Okay talk, white boy."

"You first, Aretha," he replied smoothly as he ran his hand down her arm. "You're the one dragging me into the janitor's closet. Obviously you want some of this." He indicated his body, with a seductive smile.

He wasn't an idiot. He knew she was there about Kurt, but he wasn't giving her anything. And so he was really surprised by her response.

"Oh, you know it, baby. In fact, why don't we just do it right here?" She placed a hand on his chest and stepped closer.

He opened his mouth in surprise, and then shut it again giving her a confused look.

"Come on, Puck. You know I'm probably the only girl in this school you haven't slept with. Why not go for a perfect record? You know you want some of this chocolate thunder."

When he didn't respond she added, "But wait… that's right, you're no longer into girls, are you?"

"Hey, I'm a stud."

"And yet Puckzilla now likes boys doesn't he?"

"I'm not gay…"

"Or is it just one boy? One fashionable, vulnerable, sweet, fierce, diva of a boy?"

"Mercedes," he said a warning in his tone.

"Finally. Nice of you to actually join the conversation, Puck."

"Let's start again," she continued. "What's going on with you and my boy, Kurt?"

"Why don't you just ask your boy?" he said crossing his arms.

"I did. He just says nothing's going on."

"Then I guess we're done here." As he started to open the door, she grabbed his arm.

"Look Puck. Whatever's going on with you guys isn't gonna last," she started…

And stopped when he glared at her. Of course, he knew it probably wouldn't last, but really her assumption irritated the crap out of him.

Did no one think he was boyfriend material? Really?

"Just so you know, I care about Kurt."

"Oh, I can see that," she said sincerely. "What I don't see… is how you're any better than Finn."

Now she was starting to piss him off. Finn was an idiot. Puck would never hurt Kurt. Well, not on purpose...

_Crap!_

"I'm nothing like Finn. I'm not leading Kurt on. _This_ is a mutual thing."

"Really? Have you noticed how Kurt's proud of who he is? How he refuses to change for anyone even though it means he may get slushie facials and dumpster dives on a daily basis? What part of that…" she said waving her hand at him, "screams I want to be someone's dirty little secret?"

"It's not like that, Mercedes."

"All I'm saying, Puck, is that whatever you boys are … friends, lovers, boyfriends … whatever … why are you so ashamed of it that you have to keep it a secret?"

He didn't say anything then.

"I'm out," she said. "But I'm gonna leave you with one last thought. Kurt's been through enough pain. So, Puck, if you hurt my boy any more, I will cut you."

She stormed out of the small closet, leaving Puck alone once again with his thoughts.

)()()(

"Are you sure you're okay, Kurt?"

"I told you I'm fine," he assured his best friend.

"Yeah, I know," she said. "I just don't believe you."

He sighed.

"Mercedes…"

"I know something is going on between you and Puck, no matter what you say."

"Then I guess there's no reason for me to comment."

"You think I haven't noticed those little touches you two think you're hiding from everyone? Or those scorching hot looks you boys exchange?"

He looked up at her then in surprise.

"Oh don't worry. I'm sure no one else has noticed. But I know when something's up with you, Kurt… so I was looking for it."

"It's nothing, Mercedes."

"If you say so, Kurt."

And then she left him to wander to his next class, his thoughts on her words and on Noah.

He was thankfully seated near the back in his science class so that he could continue his internal musings.

He really wasn't mad at Noah. Oh, he had been, but really he'd asked for it… and that realization had made it easier… ruined clothes and all.

As he thought back to yesterday-on what they said and not on what destroyed his new Gucci shirt-he knew it had helped. Noah's honesty had helped. He knew that there would never be anything more between them and having it put there in front of him like that, helped him to face it. Unlike with Finn.

And he also realized he missed Noah. His laugh, his smirk, his _healing_ touch… and he shivered at that thought… and his kisses. He really missed kissing him. Earlier when he caught the other boy staring at his mouth, he realized just how much he missed his daily dose of Noah.

He touched his lips. That look alone had been enough to excite him and remind him of the day before.

Last night, in the darkness, he had given in to the tantalizing memories… and in those moments, Noah had touched him… and Kurt hadn't lasted long at all.

"Hey, Kurt," Finn said, bringing Kurt out of his self-induced coma. "Are you sleeping?"

"No, Finn." He shook his at the taller boy. He realized then that he hadn't thought of Finn at all today, except, of course, to note that his outfit was all wrong, and so typically Finn.

Well, at least it was Friday. He had a whole weekend without any boys or their drama.

He found he was really looking forward to it.


	9. Chapter 9

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 9

Kurt was really enjoying his weekend. It was Saturday afternoon, and he had done nothing all day. Well, he did clean his room, but it really hadn't been that messy. He just liked things in order. Which is probably why he was having a hard time lately… his life had definitely not been in any semblance of order.

And that make him think of Noah. He was enjoying his break from the other boy. Not that he didn't occasionally think of his kisses and how good it felt when he touched him. He did, but he was glad to be away from all the drama.

And that made him think of Finn.

He hadn't thought of Finn at all, until now. And for that he was grateful to Noah. It wasn't just that the other boy gave him something to focus on. He also felt that what they had was more real than anything he and Finn had. He knew his relationship with Noah wouldn't really go any further, but that was okay. At this point he was happy with how they were. Well, he would be when he made up with him on Monday. His thoughts wandered a bit then as he thought of how they might make up…

Kurt wasn't mad at Noah anymore. How could he when the other boy was just doing what he asked. He also found that he wasn't even mad at Finn. Whether Finn knew or not that Kurt had feelings for him didn't really matter. Finn was Finn. He was used to getting lots of attention and yeah, he probably liked it. He and Rachael actually were a lot alike. They should have been the ones together… except then they would have to compete for the attention.

Thinking about Finn reminded him of his Glee assignment. That was something he needed to work on this weekend. He had a few ideas of songs to sing. Not that Finn would realize they were about him… he could be fairly clueless at times.

But right now he was being lazy. And antisocial. He hadn't even gotten on his computer. He didn't want to talk to anyone. Mercedes had texted him early, but she was doing a family thing so he didn't have to worry about making an effort until tomorrow when they were going shopping. His dad was out on a fishing trip with the guys. He had invited Kurt to go along but hanging out with a bunch of middle age guys who were fishing and drinking wasn't exactly what he wanted to do on a Saturday. His dad wouldn't be home until tomorrow, so Kurt had the whole night to himself, and it felt wonderful.

He decided to work on his homework and his Glee assignment. When that was done he could spend the night watching his favorite movies without any worries.

It was several hours later when he stood up and stretched. He had gotten his homework done. He had even made progress on his Glee assignment. At first he had looked through his organized stacks of previously downloaded music. He'd thought there might be something helpful in there. Among them, he found the music he had downloaded during the ballads assignment. It was a stack of love songs with 'I Honestly Love You" on top. Thank goodness he had never actually preformed that in front of anyone. Of course these songs would not work for their current assignment. The feelings he wanted to express to Finn were completely different now. He thought it might be cathartic to destroy the sheets of music. The question was should he shred them or burn them. He was leaning towards burning but decided to wait to decide. After all he had all night. He had also downloaded the music to several possible songs for their current Glee assignment, but he decided to narrow them down later. Now, he just wanted to get something to eat and sit back and watch a good movie.

Kurt was curled up on his couch with Moulin Rouge in the DVD player when his phone buzzed. He had put it on silent, but still didn't feel he could ignore it. He looked at the small screen. Great. A text message from Noah.

_Can I come over? Is your dad home?_

Kurt thought about lying to him. He really didn't want to deal with Noah right now. As if Puck was reading his mind, Kurt received another text almost immediately.

_It's important, Kurt. I need you._

Kurt just sighed. He couldn't ignore him. He owed him so much.

_My dad's gone. Come over._

As he waited for Puck to arrive, Kurt checked his appearance in his vanity mirror. His skin looked good considering all the stress he'd been under. His hair needed fixing, but that didn't take long. He drew the line at changing his clothes. Puck was coming by on a Saturday evening, and he could just deal with Kurt's casual look. Not that Puck would mind. He probably would like the sweat pants and t-shirt he was wearing… still designer of course. He did not shop at Wal-mart.

He didn't have to wait long, before he heard a knock at the door.

Kurt took a deep breath to ready himself. He was a little nervous… and excited. They had always met at school before, so this would be the first time they were really, totally alone together.

But nothing could prepare him for the sight of an upset Noah standing at his door. His eyes were intense, and he pushed past Kurt as soon as the door was open.

"Sure come in…"

But as Kurt shut the door, he was unable to even finish his sentence, before Puck was on him. He pushed Kurt up against the wall, kissing him intently. Kurt couldn't help reacting to the other boy. His hands were around him, and he could barely think with Puck grinding against him. The kisses were rough and hurried. There wasn't a bit of gentleness in them, and Kurt didn't realize how much that would turn him on. He groaned as Puck put his hands in his hair and pulled his head back, biting and nipping at his neck. It was amazing, and Kurt found himself completely aroused within minutes of opening the door.

"Kurt… I need you, I need this," Puck gasped.

Kurt whimpered… he couldn't help it. He had never felt anything so amazing before. He couldn't think of anything but Noah… his hands… his mouth… the way he was grinding against him.

"Let's take this downstairs to your room," Puck said his voice low and husky. "To your bed."

And suddenly Kurt's mind cleared… well enough for him to realize this wasn't like any other time they had been together.

He gently pushed Noah away. He wasn't rejecting him; he just needed time to think.

"Noah," he said. "I… what's going on?"

"I think that's obvious, Kurt. I want you…" He reached for Kurt again bringing him closer for another kiss. Kurt allowed it, for the moment. "Do I need to spell it out? I want to be buried deep inside you, Kurt, while you're lying beneath me, moaning my name…"

"Noah," he whispered trying to stop the words, trying to gain control of the situation.

"…I want your lips… those lips… on my cock… your mouth so hot… Kurt…"

The images were unbelievable, and Kurt was having a hard time resisting the other boy, but he knew he had to.

"Noah," he said more forcibly as he pushed him away once again. "What happened?"

Puck ran his hand through his Mohawk, his eyes full of pain, and Kurt knew he was right to stop him.

"I was doing so good. I thought I had it under control. I thought I was almost over her."

Kurt didn't say anything. It wouldn't help to give Noah his thoughts on that.

"And then… I went to the store. My sister wanted some damn ice cream. All she has to do is pout, and I can't resist so I went…" He stopped unable to speak.

"Noah," Kurt said putting his hand on his arm.

"They were there Kurt. Finn and Quinn were there… grocery shopping or something. I don't know why but I lost it. Maybe because it was unexpected or because there was no one there to distract me or maybe because seeing them together shopping… it made it feel more real. I think I held out hope that she would come back to me and seeing them…" His voice broke as the tears started falling down his face.

"Shit!" he yelled, slamming his hand on the wall. Kurt was a little nervous then. Not that Puck would hurt him, just that he might break something, and his dad would freak out.

Kurt grabbed his arm and kissed his knuckles. "I'm sorry, Noah," he said quietly.

Puck pulled him closer, enveloping him in his arms. "I tried, Kurt. I tried to do what I always do… I went down to the liquor store, and I even had someone ready to buy it for me. That's when I realized I didn't want alcohol, Kurt. I just wanted you. You've ruined me. You're my addiction now." And he kissed Kurt again. This time it was less angry… but still intense. Kurt enjoyed the feel of Puck's hands in his hair as he devoured his mouth.

Puck slipped one hand into Kurt's sweatpants, under his briefs to grab his ass, pulling him towards him. Kurt wasn't sure what to do. He missed Noah, wanted him so much, but there was only so far he was willing to go. And he knew at a certain point, Noah wouldn't be able to stop.

And then Puck pulled his hand back up, and Kurt felt a moment of relief. It was short lived as Puck grabbed the edges of his pants and pulled. Kurt grabbed his hands and moved back before he could get them too far down.

"Stop, Noah."

Puck just had a dazed look on his face. "What the hell, Kurt?"

"I don't want to do this."

"I think you're wrong there, Kurt," he said with a smirk, looking at the obvious bulge in Kurt's pants.

"Then let me rephrase that, Noah… I'm not going to have sex with you."

Puck just looked confused, and Kurt fought the urge to laugh.

"Who could resist this?" he said flexing his arm muscles.

"No one, Noah," he said fondly. "But I'm still not going to sleep with you."

"I don't get it, Kurt."

"Noah? Hasn't anyone ever said no to you before?"

"Not really," he answered. "I don't ask the question unless I already know the answer."

Kurt just shook his head.

"Which is why I don't get it, Kurt. I know you want this. I can feel it. You need this… you need me."

Kurt didn't say anything then. He wasn't sure he could deny what Noah was saying.

"Let's go downstairs," Puck said softly.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Noah."

"I'm just afraid your dad will come home, and I'd rather not be having this conversation right here in the doorway, Kurt."

"My dad…" And he almost told Puck that this dad was going to be gone all night. That was not a good idea. Not that Puck would force him to do anything… he wasn't afraid of that. It was more likely that he would just wear Kurt down. That was his real fear… that he wouldn't be able to resist Puck for long. Better to let Puck think that his dad was going to be home at any moment. "Fine, let's go downstairs."

But as he led Puck down to the basement, he knew he was playing with fire. Being with Puck alone in his bedroom, with his dad gone for the night, and Puck in a strange mood…

He wasn't sure he would survive…intact.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Thanks for the love guys! I did want to mention, since I forgot before... this story is set a month or two after Sectionals so Kurt didn't have a chance to set up the parents. So Carole and Finn do not live with them. Sorry about that omission. :) Also I loved seeing the differing opinions on whether the boys should have sex.

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 10

Kurt led the way downstairs, trying to come up with a plan. He didn't want Puck to be upset with him, and he did want to help him, but he was _not_ going to sleep with him.

And so he was preoccupied when he reached the bottom of the stairs and turned toward the other boy.

As soon as Puck's foot hit the bottom of the stairs, he pulled Kurt into his arms. He was kissing him and touching him before he even had a chance to resist. When he had the chance, he found he didn't want to. Although they had only been apart for one day, he found he really relied on Puck… needed him.

The kiss was intense as they moaned into each other's mouths. Puck's hands were everywhere, touching him, exciting him. Kurt indulged in his own need to touch the jock. His muscles were so hard, and his body was so strong as he held him. And suddenly Puck lifted him up so that Kurt's legs were wrapped around his body. Kurt knew he should stop him, but he was almost past caring. Puck led him to the sofa and stretched out on top of him. Kurt's legs were still on either side of Puck's body. The jock pushed them further apart so he could get even closer to the smaller boy.

Kurt realized at this point he no longer cared why they shouldn't do this. He wanted Puck, and the other boy wanted him, and that was all that mattered. He needed more … he couldn't get enough… couldn't get close enough to the other boy as he pushed against him.

"Noah," he said his voice ragged.

"God, Kurt," Puck responded frantically trying to undo the buttons of his jeans.

Kurt couldn't believe they were actually going to do this. The nagging doubt was still there, but it was outnumbered by his body and his hormones. He felt like he _could_ do this… as long as Puck didn't do anything stupid.

Like open his mouth.

"I need you so much, Kurt… need this. It's the only thing that works… that deadens the pain of seeing her with him."

And that was enough. Enough to stop Kurt from making a big mistake. He let his hands drop to his side, no longer responding to the other boy.

"Noah," he said but Puck was too far gone to notice.

Kurt tried to push him off but Puck was too heavy, too strong. The jock continued kissing him and touching him and even though Kurt's body continued to respond on some level, the rest of him concentrated on finding a way to get through to Puck.

He did the only thing he could think of. The equivalent of throwing ice cold water in the jock's face.

"Oh, Finn," he moaned, as Puck pushed against his erection. The moan was real, even if the sentiment wasn't.

And it worked. Puck stopped… everything. He didn't move for a second and then he pulled away from Kurt, his face a mixture of pain and confusion.

"Don't tell me you've been thinking of him all along," he spat out.

"No," Kurt replied. "I haven't. It's just the only thing I could think of that would make you stop."

Puck sat down on the couch, away from Kurt. He was obviously still frustrated and angry.

"You didn't want to stop a minute ago."

"That was a minute ago," Kurt replied as he ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to straighten it out.

Puck stood up, obviously trying to put some distance between them. "I don't get it, Kurt. I mean I know I'm using _you_ to help with the pain, but we're using each other. I thought we had a deal going."

"We do, Noah. But it doesn't include sex."

"Good to know," he remarked dryly.

"I just want my first time to be special, Noah."

"Oh, I'll make it special, babe. You'll never forget it."

Kurt just rolled his eyes as he stood up.

"Do you love me, Noah?"

"You know, you say you're not a girl, Kurt… but sometimes you act like one."

"Just answer the question."

"I care about you, a lot."

Kurt just nodded, knowing that was probably the best answer he was going to get.

"I could ask you the same thing, Kurt. Do you love me?"

Kurt just looked at him.

"Honestly," Noah said. "Do you?"

"No," Kurt said softly, "But I could… so easily." Kurt could feel his eyes welling up with tears and, not for the first time, cursed the fact that he was so emotional.

Puck turned toward the desk. Kurt wasn't sure if the other boy didn't know what to say or was just giving Kurt time to collect himself. Whatever the reason, Kurt was grateful as he took a deep shaky breath.

Puck fiddled with the stuff on the desk distractedly. And then his body stiffened… and Kurt suddenly knew why. The sheaf of papers he'd planned on destroying was sitting there innocently. The sappy love song on the top with a post it note on it that read 'Songs to sing to Finn'. And considering their latest Glee assignment who could blame Puck for thinking what he was obviously thinking?

He picked up the papers and turned toward Kurt, a hurt look on his face.

"Is this what you're waiting for Kurt? Are you saving yourself for Finn? Waiting for him to love you?"

Puck was angry. On some level Kurt could understand, but there was a part of him that was hurt. Upset that Puck would say that after all they've been through. And really what gave him the right to judge Kurt?

And that may be why Kurt was suddenly yelling at the other boy.

"This has nothing to do with Finn!"

"Just being in _love_," Puck said but it felt like an accusation. Like it was something stupid for Kurt to want.

"My first time doesn't have to be about love, Noah," Kurt said angrily. "But it does have to be about me."

And he could see his point hit home as Puck shuffled uneasily.

"It's not like that, Kurt."

"It's exactly like that, Noah."

Neither boy spoke for a while. The anger seemed to dissipate, and it was replaced by sadness.

"Maybe you should just go, Noah," Kurt whispered, his head down. He needed Puck to go, but he couldn't bear to watch him leave.

He listened for the sound of Puck's footsteps on the stairs, but he instead felt the other boy's presence next to him.

"If it means anything, Kurt, I wish it was you," he whispered as he took Kurt's hand. "You're amazing and sexy as hell." Kurt looked up at him, searching his face. "I want you so much, Kurt… But there's something that keeps me from being able to feel more, and I don't know what that is."

"I do," Kurt replied. "I'm not a girl…" Puck started to shake his head in protest when Kurt added, "and I'm not Quinn."

Puck's whole body seemed to sag. "I don't know how to get over her, Kurt."

Kurt didn't know what to say. The other boy seemed so broken. When the tears started he pulled Puck into his arms.

"Let it out, Noah," he said rubbing his back as he held him. He could feel Puck's body shake as he finally let himself break down.

Kurt pulled him over to the bed so they could lie down. He held him tightly as the other boy worked through the pain. It was if they had been using a band aid all this time, and now it could no longer hold the emotions that were gushing out.

Puck cried for a while, his sobs finally receding into shaky breaths. At one point, Kurt was almost sure that the other boy had fallen asleep.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm surprised your dad isn't home yet."

_Crap!_

He had forgotten about that.

"He's not coming home tonight."

"Were you afraid to tell me that?" Puck said obviously amused by this.

"Absolutely," he said honestly, looking up into Puck's face.

Puck smiled as he leaned down to kiss him gently. There was no urgency this time, and Kurt returned the kiss, still trying to comfort the other boy.

Their slow exploration of each other's lips was sweet and emotional. Kurt felt like he was finally seeing the real Puck… the one he hid from the world.

However, soon Kurt could feel the need building up inside of him once again. Puck pulled his shirt up, kissing Kurt's chest. It felt wonderful and yet…

"Noah…"

"Don't worry, Kurt. I respect your decision. I won't push it. I just want to touch you and kiss you. Is that alright?"

"Yes," Kurt said, enjoying the feel of Puck's lips against his skin.

The other boy explored every inch of his chest, and then worked his way down to Kurt's stomach. Kurt's body seemed to anticipate Puck's end goal, and he became even harder.

His mind, however, tried to overrule his hormones.

"Noah," he said as the other boy pulled his sweatpants down further but not past his straining erection. Puck was torturing him, and he wasn't sure, for a moment, if he was pleading with him to continue or cautioning him to stop.

"Noah." He tried again. "Don't… have… to."

Puck was at that point licking the sensitive skin right above the edge of his pants, and Kurt wasn't sure he could take much more.

"I know, Kurt," he said with a smirk. "And to be honest, it's not that I want to taste another guy's dick, it's just that I want to give you this… I _know _how good it feels. I want to be the one to do that to you…to watch your face as you experience it…"

Kurt just nodded. It's not like he was really going to refuse… he wanted to feel Puck's mouth on him more than anything…

"This time, Kurt," Puck said pulling his pants all the way down, "it _is_ all about you."


	11. Chapter 11

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 11

Kurt awoke to the light streaming in through the small basement window. His body ached and for the life of him he couldn't figure out why. What had he done yesterday that could have caused all this stiffness?

He tried to stretch to get the kinks out but found he couldn't move his arm. There was someone lying on it.

Puck.

In his bed.

Barely dressed.

He searched through the memories now starting to flood back for the answer to one important question.

_Had they…?_

Soon he had sifted and sorted through them and breathed a sigh of relief. They had not had sex last night, although he was stiff from sleeping in the other boy's arms. However thinking about what they had done, made him blush, and he felt his body responding again.

_Traitor._

And one particular memory surfaced. It was not long after Puck had given him the best blow job he had ever had. Of course, it was also the first and only but Kurt didn't think there would be another that could top it. But the memory… the one he was trying now to forget was after they had messed around some more, and he had become so aroused he had begged… no demanded… that Noah just fuck him now and be done with it.

But the other boy hadn't. He said he knew Kurt didn't really want that (and this is where the begging came in) and so they weren't going to do it.

He felt grateful to Puck for that. He knew it was probably difficult for him with Kurt changing his mind every other minute but in the end Puck was a good guy.

Kurt tried once again to get his arm out from under Puck. He was careful not to wake the other boy. After all he was probably exhausted.

As the sun bathed the room in light, Kurt thought there was something he should remember… something about the sun.

And then suddenly, it came to him. He was meeting Mercedes this morning to go to the mall. She was coming over. And he realized he had no idea how late it was…

Now he was really trying to get his arm out and he didn't care if he awoke the other boy. In fact, he realized, it was a necessity.

"Noah," Kurt said shaking him.

"Hmmm," Puck responded sleepily.

"Wake up!"

"Jeesh, Kurt," he said, moving off Kurt's arm. "What's the deal?"

"Mercedes will be here in," he said checking his phone, "fifteen minutes! And she likes to be early."

"So?"

"So! I don't want her to find us like this! She doesn't know we're together."

"Kurt, I think she knows." He sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"No… she thinks she knows but right now she's just guessing…"

"Kurt, I _really_ think she knows…"

Something in his voice caught Kurt's attention. "What did you tell her?"

"Nothing, really. She cornered me and was going on about me hurting you or something…" He hesitated.

"Noah?"

"I told her that I really cared about you."

"Noah!" he said both frustrated and, he admitted, a little pleased with what the other boy had said.

"Hey it's not my fault. I didn't tell you to lie to her."

"I didn't lie… I just told her… okay, I lied. Shut up." And with that he pushed Puck off of the bed.

"Hey!"

"Time to get up…"

Puck got up then mumbling about ungrateful boys even after all those orgasms…

Kurt just hurried to get dressed. He didn't have to be completely ready; he just had to get Puck out of the house before she arrived.

Finally Puck was somewhat ready as Kurt guided him upstairs. Puck didn't really need his help, but he wanted to make sure the other boy didn't linger.

With a sigh of relief he opened the door to push Puck out… and stopped. Mercedes was at the door, her hand raised about to knock.

She looked at them in shock. Kurt knew how it looked… his hand was on Puck's back pushing him out the door. Puck was dressed, but his clothes were wrinkled, and he was barefoot, his shoes in his hand.

"Kurt?" she said, still in shock.

"Hey, Mercedes," he said trying for the innocent look. He pushed Puck one more time as the other boy turned to him.

"What? No kiss goodbye?"

"Out!" Kurt said.

Puck just smirked at him as he winked at Mercedes and trotted off to his truck.

"Don't say a word," he cautioned her as he led the way inside.

"Kurt Hummel," she finally said, "you better believe we're going to talk about this."

It only took Kurt twenty minutes to get ready. He actually thought of dragging it out longer, but Mercedes was giving him death glares. Maybe if he hurried they could get to the mall where she would be too occupied to question him.

No such luck.

"Okay, well I'm ready. Let's go."

"We're not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on. And don't lie to me again, Kurt."

"Can't we do this later?" he asked hopefully. "All the good sales will be gone if we don't hurry."

"Then you better start talking, lover boy."

Resigned, Kurt sat on the couch beside her and put his head in his hands. "What do you want to know," he asked.

"Everything."

And so he started from the moment Finn and Quinn announced they were back together until the present. Of course he omitted some of the more intimate details, just giving her the overview.

"So you didn't sleep with him," she asked. "Even though you wanted to."

"I didn't…"

"And he didn't push it, even though he wanted to."

"He didn't..."

"You passed up having sex, knowing that you may not get the chance again for a long time since there aren't really that many gay guys in Lima…"

"Yes."

"And Puck," she said disbelief evident in her voice, "had the chance to sleep with you, and he didn't… Puck the man-whore."

"Exactly. Can we go now?"

"Kurt, you're still lying to me aren't you? If you guys did it, you don't need to be ashamed. You can tell me. I'm your best friend."

"Mercedes!" he grounded out through gritted teeth. "We. Did. Not. Have. Sex. End of story. Let it go."

"If you say so, Kurt," she said. "But I better not find out you're lying to me again, white boy."

"Can we shop now? I really need a good distraction. And I _need_ to buy something fabulous."

Puck threw himself down on his bed. He was exhausted. It was unbelievable that Kurt could still look so amazing rolling out of bed, while he looked like something the cat dragged in.

He couldn't believe everything that had happened last night. He felt like he had really opened up to Kurt. He hadn't really done that before. Maybe somewhat to Quinn, but nothing like this. He really trusted Kurt. And that was surprising considering they had only been together for a few weeks.

But the thing that amazed him the most was that he'd had the chance to have sex with Kurt and he didn't. In fact, Kurt had begged him… and that had almost been his undoing. The memory was still fresh in his mind…

"_Noah, please… I want you so much."_

"_I know, Kurt. You've told me over and over… and you're making this really hard. You need to stop."_

_Kurt placed Puck's hand back on his arousal and pushed into him. Maybe he should have had Kurt put his pants back on…_

_He rubbed his thumb over the head causing Kurt to whimper. _

"_Don't worry, I can take care of this for you, babe," he said seductively as he stroked the other boy. Kurt moaned, but it obviously wasn't enough._

"_I know what I said, Noah, but I've changed my mind. I want to know what it feels like to be inside you. Please? Just fuck me now!"_

"_You say that now, Kurt, but you'll regret it tomorrow."_

"_I won't, I promise."_

_And he almost gave it. But he couldn't… Kurt was drunk with lust, and he wasn't going to take advantage of him. The last time he let someone convince him… well, that didn't turn out so well. And although Kurt couldn't get pregnant, it could still ruin their friendship._

"_I tell you what, Kurt," he said. "Why don't you stop talking… and show me what else you can do with that gorgeous mouth of yours."_

_Kurt smiled… eager to return the favor. And he was happy and no longer demanding… at least for a little while._

Puck smiled at the memory. Kurt really had a way with his tongue that was… unbelievable. And as he remembered their time together, he decided he deserved some special Noah time for his good behavior.

Thank goodness, his mom and sister weren't home.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thanks to all my lovely reviewers. I try to respond to them all but I don't always get to all of them. I still love you guys. I am dedicating this chapter to the amazing Chris Colfer because it Emmy weekend and really he should win. Not that I would want him to actually read this... that would be too embarrassing. ;) Hey it's the thought that counts!

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 12

Kurt wasn't really sure about anything anymore. It was Monday morning, and although he planned on meeting Noah at the dumpsters, he had no idea what he was going to say to the other boy. He was confused … about everything.

He'd done a lot of thinking on Sunday after his shopping trip with Mercedes. What he realized was both depressing and freeing. No matter how much he cared for Puck, there would never be anything more between them than there was right now. And surprisingly it wasn't because of Puck. Well, in a way it was, but mostly it was about what Kurt wanted. He knew he could probably get Puck to have sex with him if he really tried. He might even be able to convince Puck that they should be a couple. That was more unlikely but not out of the question. Even then… it wouldn't really change anything.

Puck was, at heart, a straight boy. Maybe a little bi-sexual (can you be just a little?), but he loved women and always would. If they were together, one look from Quinn, and he'd be gone. And really that might be true with any woman… but definitely the blonde ex-Cheerio.

And Puck was right. Kurt deserved better than that. He would not be a consolation prize. He deserved to be someone's whole world. And even though he knew relationships would come and go, especially in high school, he still needed to be the center… the _reason_ for the relationship in the first place.

Initially, he had even thought about ending things with Puck now. How was he ever going to meet the right guy when he was still focusing on the straight ones? The more he thought of it, however, the more he decided that he needed Puck as much as the other boy needed him. At least for now. Puck had described their relationship perfectly. It was an addiction… Puck was his addiction.

And although Puck wasn't the healthiest choice for him, he helped ease the pain so that he could actually heal.

He had to admit that being with Puck gave him some confidence. Kurt thought back to the other night and some of the things Puck had said to him. He couldn't help the blush that stained his cheeks. He had been quite complimentary. And this coming from someone with a lot of experience!

Kurt had to smile at that. Puck had seemed genuinely surprised. What could he say? Underneath his frosty exterior was a passionate boy just waiting to get out.

And so Kurt actually felt free… there were no expectations… no tiptoeing around their feelings… no worrying about where their relationship was going. This was it. They were just enjoying each other's company.

Kurt knew he could stay with Puck as long they both wanted it… as long as Kurt could remain objective and not fall completely in love with the other boy. Of course _that_ would be easier, he mused, if Puck would just act like his usual Neanderthal self and not the wonderful, sweet, guy he'd been the other night.

Finally arriving at the school, he hoped Puck would be by the dumpsters.

He really needed his fix.

***btp***

"So Hummel," Puck said, watching the other boy closely.

"So, Puck," Kurt responded. He appeared to be just as uncomfortable as Puck as he shifted his feet.

They were in their usual spot behind the dumpsters, but other than their location, it did not feel like their normal meeting. Puck didn't realize it would be _this _awkward. But a lot had happened between them since the last time they were there-the whole incident in the music room and then the night at Kurt's house.

He wondered what was going through the smaller boy's mind. Why couldn't everything just go back to how it was before? Puck wanted to kiss the other boy and make everything okay. Not that he could forget what had happened that night. It had been amazing… even if he had been an ass at first.

That brought back the pain of seeing Quinn and Finn together. Why the hell couldn't he just get over her? He knew he could be happy with Kurt. He definitely wasn't worried about what the other kids would say. He was a badass. He could wear a tutu to school and no one would care.

He looked over at Kurt. He was looking down, his teeth worrying his bottom lip. They seemed to be distancing themselves … using last names. He didn't want that at all. But he couldn't think of anything to say…Except something along the lines of 'I miss your mouth… on my cock, kissing my lips, whispering sweetly in my ear…'

God! He was such a sap!

Obviously, he couldn't say that, but he had to say something.

"Did you work everything out with Aretha?"

Kurt gave him a look at the use of the nickname, but said with a snort, "Yes, but she didn't believe that we _didn't_ have sex."

"Can't really blame her there," he replied. "I can't believe we didn't have sex either."

Kurt smacked him on the arm.

How pathetic was he…? Puck was glad for the contact, any contact, at this point.

"Listen, Kurt…" he started, but the sound of other cars pulling up interrupted him. He wasn't even sure what he was going to say. He just wanted to make some kind of connection with the other boy.

"I gotta go, Noah," Kurt said softly with a little smile. Puck could tell he wanted to kiss him but with all the other students starting to mill about, they couldn't chance it.

"Okay, Kurt…. See you after lunch?" he asked hopefully.

"You can count on it." He could tell Kurt was just as excited about the prospect as he was and that made him feel a little better.

They would see each other at lunch. He would just have to make it until then.

***btp***

"What's up, Kurt?"

"Nothing," he replied, smiling weakly at his best friend.

"Really?" she said with a bit of an attitude. "We're gonna do this again? I thought you were done lying to me. You've been staring off through all of your classes. I know something's going on so just spill it already."

"Fine. You want to know what I'm thinking about?"

She nodded her head encouragingly.

"I've been thinking about how much I miss Puck … and his mouth. I miss him kissing me. He does this thing with his tongue …"

Mercedes held up her hand. "Okay, so you don't have to share _everything_."

Kurt just smirked at her.

"So what's the problem? We're going to lunch now… Just drag him into the closet or something."

"I don't know… it's just awkward. We don't know what to say to each other. We're supposed to meet after lunch but I just don't know…"

"Just let your bff take care of it, Kurt," she said gathering her stuff. "Meet me in the girl's bathroom in ten minutes."

"Mercedes," he began, but she was already gone.

***btp***

Kurt stood in the girl's bathroom, waiting… for what he didn't know. There were several girls there, but they didn't pay him any attention. After all, it wasn't unusual for Kurt to be there, considering he was an honorary girl.

He found he didn't have to wait long; he actually heard them before he saw them.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Aretha. I didn't do it." Kurt could hear Puck's voice clearly. "And I am _not_ going in there!"

"You _are_ going in there, white boy," Mercedes replied. "Cuz I know it was you. And now you're gonna use those guns for more than just showing off."

At that point they burst through the bathroom door, Mercedes pulling on Puck's arm. He had a frown on his face until he spotted Kurt looking over at him.

"Everybody out," Mercedes said. "The bathroom is closed temporarily for cleaning."

As she waved everyone out, one girl was brave enough to question Mercedes' authority. "What about him," she said glaring at Kurt.

Mercedes gave her a look. "Duh! He's a boy."

Although the other girl looked confused, she didn't question the intimidating diva as she dutifully filed out of the room.

"You have five minutes," Mercedes said to Puck. "And it better be completely gone. I'm tired of the jocks writing graffiti in our bathroom." As she said this she winked at Puck and walked out.

Her voice could still be heard through the door. "No, you can't go in. It's closed for cleaning…" They couldn't hear the other girl talking, but Mercedes response was clear. "I don't care, just hold it."

"She's kind of scary, Kurt," Puck said with a smile.

"Yeah," he replied. "I know." And then it was just awkward again.

"So what am I doing here, Kurt?"

"I didn't know she was doing this… I swear."

"Okay," Puck replied, "but that still doesn't answer my question.

"I …" He looked down. "I told Mercedes that I missed you… missed kissing you," he said truthfully.

"Oh," Puck replied with a smile. Moving closer, he leaned down and tipped Kurt's chin up. His eyes were beautiful and intense as he leaned in. The kiss was feathery light.

"Noah?"

"Yes?" He kissed Kurt again softly … almost as if he was afraid of scaring Kurt off.

"I think we should talk about Saturday night."

"Can we do it later?" he asked. "We only have five minutes, and _God, I really miss you!_"

Kurt hesitated for just a second as he looked into Puck's hazel eyes.

"Then Noah," he said, "I guess we need more kissing and less talking."

And with that he tugged on Puck's shirt, bringing him closer so he could kiss the other boy eagerly. They were able to keep it fairly tame until Kurt opened his mouth, inviting Puck's tongue. As the kisses became more insistent, Puck grabbed Kurt's hips pulling him tightly against him.

They were both moaning by the time Mercedes opened the door once again with a loud announcement. "I hope you're done, white boy!"

Puck just held up a finger to indicate, _just one more minute_.

"Man, am I going to have to hose you boys down?" she asked in a quieter voice as she waited not so patiently for them to finish. Her foot tapped impatiently.

Puck laughed as he pulled himself away from Kurt. "I think you might need to hose Kurt down… because he is so damn hot."

Mercedes rolled her eyes at him as Kurt smiled happily.

"Do you know how hard it is to hold off teenage girls with small bladders? Let's move it, boys."

Puck obediently walked out of the room, as Mercedes announced loudly, "And don't let it happen again, Puck."

"I told you I didn't do it," Puck replied. "But I don't mind helping these sweet ladies out."

It was a testament to his good mood that Kurt wasn't bothered by the winks Puck was giving to all the girls, along with their corresponding sighs.

Kurt and Mercedes walked down the hall arm in arm.

"Mercedes, you are the bestest ever."

"I know," she said, putting her head on his shoulder as they walked. "Anything for my boy."


	13. Chapter 13

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 13

Kurt stood awkwardly outside Puck's house. He'd knocked on the door several times, but so far he hadn't gotten an answer. Opening his phone, he looked again at Puck's last text message… he thought he had everything right...

Puck's house… check.

4:30… check.

Ready to talk… ummmm…. Close enough.

Where was that boy? Kurt decided to text him again. He'd sent one a few minutes ago and didn't get an answer.

After another few minutes, Kurt decided just to leave. He almost made in down the steps when a rushed Noah Puckerman opened the door.

"Kurt," he said breathlessly. And Kurt found he rather liked it when Puck said his name like that.

"I was about to leave," Kurt said crossly.

"I can see that, babe," Puck said with a smirk.

Kurt just rolled his eyes as he walked back up the stairs, past a smiling Puck, and through the door.

"Sorry… I was taking a shower and my mom and sis aren't home."

Kurt softened up at that. And he had to admit, Puck looked hot, just out of the shower.

"I'm sure you will make it up to me… somehow."

Puck grinned as he grabbed Kurt around the waist and pulled him against him.

'Noah!" he said with a giggle. But Puck wasn't listening. He quickly claimed Kurt's lips and kissed him hungrily.

Kurt melted in his arms, kissing him back just as fiercely.

Puck finally ended the kiss, pulling away slowly and kissing his face. Kurt just smiled up at him in a daze.

"Now that we have that out of the way," Puck said with a smirk, "I think we need to talk."

"That's okay," Kurt replied. "I'm good… Let's just keep doing this."

"Hey, I understand, babe… once you get a taste of the Puckasaurus… Well, you just can't get enough."

"Okay, Noah, no need to refer to yourself like that…"

Puck smiled again before he turned serious. "I mean it, Kurt… We need to talk."

"Fine," Kurt said moving to sit down in the living room. Puck grabbed his arm before he could accomplish his goal.

"But let's go up to my room."

Once they were in the small bedroom, sitting on the bed, Puck continued.

"We need to talk about Saturday night."

"Why? We said enough then, don't you think?"

"Kurt…" Puck was starting to whine and that was never good.

"Fine, Noah. Just say what you have to say. I can't stay long, and I really want some quality making out time."

"Geesh, Kurt. Not sure I've been a very good influence on you."

"You know you love it… start talking."

"Kurt…"

"Noah…"

The other boy ran his hand through his Mohawk. "You know I really care about you… right?"

"Yes."

"And that I think you're smokin' hot."

Kurt smiled at this. "Yes."

"And I don't want this to end between us…"

"Neither do I."

"But…"

Kurt sighed. "There is always a but…"

"I don't want to lead you on."

"We have been through this, Noah," Kurt said. "You're still in love with Quinn… Don't bother denying it," he said as Puck started to protest. "I get it. Don't worry about me."

"It's not just that…"

"Then what is it?"

"All this time you're with me… well, it's kinda wasted. I mean," he added at Kurt's look, "You could be with someone who could give you more."

"Noah Puckerman," Kurt said, "are you trying to be _nobel_?"

Puck looked away sheepishly. "You know what I mean, Kurt," he said quietly.

Kurt grabbed his face forcing him to look at him. "I know what you're doing, Noah, and although I appreciate it…Just… cut it out."

"Kurt…"

"I mean it, Noah. I told you the other night that I won't have sex with you… I'm still saying that. But I want to be with you as much as possible … until one of us decided to move on.'

"You deserve more than that."

"I deserve to be happy… and surprisingly, Noah, you make me happy."

Puck smiled at him. "Really?"

"Yes… now quit wasting time and kiss me."

"Is that all you want?" Puck asked suggestively.

"Depends…" Kurt responded.

"On…"

"How much time do we have."

~#~#~#~

The next day started out fairly well. Kurt and Puck were back to their routine, and Mercedes was back to supporting him. He hated keeping things from her… she really was the best friend ever.

So Kurt was actually surprised when things took a dramatic turn for the worse near the end of the day.

"What are you doing with Puck?"

Kurt was trying to get his books for his last hour class when he was cornered by Quinn.

"Last time you spoke to me, you wanted me to give Rachel a make-over," he said. "That didn't go over to well. I don't think we should make a habit of this."

He turned to leave, and she grabbed his arm.

"We need to talk."

What was the deal with everyone wanting to talk lately?

"I really don't have anything to say to you, Quinn."

"He doesn't love you."

He turned to face her then.

"I find it difficult to believe that you actually care about me…" he said. "So that makes this… none of your business."

"You're right, Kurt. I don't care about you at all. I just don't want to see Puck get hurt…"

He stared at her then. "You did _not_ just say that. Nothing… _Nothing,"_ he said his voice rising, "I could ever do to him could even compare to the pain you have caused him!" Kurt was practically shaking with rage. Really, how dare her!

"You care about him," she said calmly.

"And you don't," he answered spitefully.

"That's where you're wrong, Kurt. I do care about him… I just can't take his womanizing…" she hesitated then as if she didn't know how to categorize _their_ relationship. "I need someone I can depend on… someone who's loyal…"

"Like Finn."

"Yes," she answered. "Like Finn."

"Well, it looks like to me that you got exactly what you wanted."

"Not exactly," she said softly, and he almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

"Well, Quinn. Glad we could have this little chat. I have to get to class… and I'm sure you have someone else's life to ruin."

He left her standing there with a sad look on her face. No, he was _not_ going to feel sorry for her.

Surely the day would get better.

Unfortunately, it did not.

"Hey, Kurt… wait up, dude."

Kurt didn't even bother correcting him. Maybe if he ignored him, the other boy would just go away.

"Hey," Finn said grabbing his arm.

People were going to have to stop doing that. Did no one have respect for Versace silk?

"What, Finn?" he asked.

"I just…" He stopped surprised at the irritation in Kurt's voice. "I thought we could hang out."

"Why?"

"I…" He didn't seem to have an answer for that.

"It's okay, Finn. Don't strain yourself. I don't want to hang out…"

And then he looked up at Finn in surprise. "I don't want to hang out with you, Finn," he said more to himself than the other boy.

"Dude, that's harsh."

"Sorry, Finn," he said. "It not you… it's me. I have a lot on my mind."

"Oh, okay," the quarterback said. "Maybe, some other time."

And he sounded so hopeful… Kurt just agreed with him.

"Yeah, Finn. Some other time."

Finn gave him that lopsided smile that usually melted his heart, and Kurt was glad to find he felt nothing.

As he headed home, Kurt felt better than he had all day.

After all this time… he was finally over his crush on Finn.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Finally an update! I know it's short though... sorry. Hope you enjoy. :)

Beyond The Pain

Chapter 14

"Okay guys," Mr. Schue said, clapping his hands. "Let's get started."

The members of New Directions had been chatting among themselves. Now, they looked towards their teacher, waiting for instructions. As Puck tore his eyes away from Kurt, he thought about the talk they had yesterday. He really wanted to be with Kurt, but he felt guilty that he couldn't give him more. Kurt didn't seem to mind but that just made him feel worse. He quickly glanced over at Quinn. He knew she would never love him. She would always love Finn. He needed to just get over her so he could move on with his life. Maybe move on with Kurt.

"Remember, Thursday we're going to be performing our songs about overcoming difficulty...Yes, Brittany?"

"Mr. Schue? I forgot. What are we supposed to do again?"

"It doesn't matter, Brittany," he sighed. "I think we've determined that you can just do anything, and it would work out okay."

"Yay!" Britney said clappiing her hands.

"Anybody else?"

Mr. Schue looked around the room but nobody else had anything. Hell, half of them weren't even paying attention.

"Good, then let's get on with our lesson for today."

Puck had once again stopped listening. As he glanced over Kurt, he wondered what song the other boy had chosen. Whatever it was, he knew he would be singing it to Finn. And although it would be a song about overcoming the pain Finn put him through, he found he still felt a little jealous. Although, he really didn't have a right to feel that way since he definitely did not have any say over Kurt. Especially since _he_ was still hung up on Quinn.

As if he could sense the other boy's eyes on him, Kurt looked over at him and smiled. Puck couldn't help but smile in return. He was just too adorable. When Puck looked back towards the front, though, he saw Quinn frowning at him.

~#~#~#~

Puck pulled Kurt onto his lap and kissed him fiercely. It was after school, and they were in Puck's truck.

"I didn't think this day would ever end," Puck said as he kissed Kurt's face. "You just can't tease me and smile at me like that, babe. It's not fair."

"Fair? You want to talk about fair. What about those jeans you're wearing? They have little holes in all the right places. While fashionably speaking I'm against wearing anything that's not in pristine condition, I have to admit that all I wanted to do was put my fingers in those little holes. _That_ is not fair!"

"Just your fingers?" Puck said with a smirk.

"I could tell you," Kurt continued, "or I could show you."

"I like the sound of that."

"I bet you do. That's because you're a bad boy, Mr. Puckerman." Kurt kissed the side of Puck's face as his hands wandered to the holes in his jeans. He traced the outline, teasing his skin, before pushing his fingers through. All the while he was kissing Puck on the lips, on his chin, and on his neck. Puck's breaths came in little puffs as he tried to control his body.

"You're killing me here, Kurt," he said huskily.

"Just wait," Kurt whispered.

There wasn't much room in the small truck, but somehow Kurt managed to twist his body around so he could lick at the small openings in Puck's jeans. Kurt also took this opportunity to nip at the flesh, causing Puck to jerk in reaction.

"Shit, Kurt," Puck said. "What the Hell, babe."

"Can I help it if you taste so amazing… I just want to eat you up,"

Puck could no longer talk. He just moaned in response to the feel of Kurt's tongue on his skin.

"You know," Kurt said as he straightened up once more, "as many holes as there are in these jeans already, I think they could use a few more." He moved his hand to trace the outline of Puck's growing erection. "I think… Maybe right here... and here..."

"Oh, yeah, babe," Puck groaned, pushing against Kurt's hand.

Things became more intense as Kurt rubbed his palm firmly against Puck's hard member while kissing him deeply. His tongue teased him while his fingers stroked him through his jeans.

Puck had one hand in Kurt's hair pulling him closer to him. The other hand joined Kurt's to aid him in his ministrations.

Kurt was rubbing his own erection against Puck's leg at a frenzied pace, keeping time with their hands. He seemed almost desperate… Wanting it, wanting him, and Puck wondered briefly if he was changing his mind.

That thought was fleeting as Kurt squeezed. Puck knew he wouldn't last… Couldn't last at this pace for very long. And with a gasp, they both came, gripping each other tightly.

Pulling Kurt close to him, Puck held him gently as they both came off their lust induced high. He listened to the sound Kurt's breathing and felt his breath on his neck as he pushed his hair back out of his face.

"Noah, was that okay? I know I got a little crazy there," Kurt said with a small laugh. "I don't know what came over me."

"Hey I'm not complaining. That was amazing."

"I guess… I mean… When were no longer together, I want you to have something to remember me by."

"Kurt, don't talk like that. And you know I could never forget you, forget us."

"I know," he said with a smirk. "Just making sure."


	15. Chapter 15

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 15

Puck leaned back in his seat stretching his legs as far as he could. His arms were folded carelessly across his chest. He was nervous but determined not to show it. His eyes never left Kurt as the other boy stood in front of the Gleeks preparing to sing. Things had been amazing between them for the last few days, and Puck didn't want it to end. Now it was Thursday and time for their songs. He really didn't feel good about this.

Several of others had already finished. Brittney did an upbeat song about her cat, Lord Tubbington. Since the assignment was to sing about hardships and/or how to overcome them, her song actually fit. Everyone seemed to be in jovial mood. Puck was sure that would change once Kurt started singing.

He glanced down at the tall boy in sitting in front of him. Would Finn even realize Kurt was singing to him? Singing about the pain he caused him? Probably not. He was so clueless.

Puck could admit, although not to anyone, that it bothered him. He hated Finn getting any of Kurt's attention, even for one song. Kurt would be exposing his pain for everyone in Glee Club to see. Although it might be good in the long run for Kurt to work completely through his crush on Finn, Puck would have done anything to spare the soprano that anguish.

Kurt looked nervous, as well. That in itself was a rare occurrence when it came to singing. The fashionista usually showed no fear. Puck smiled at Kurt reassuringly and was rewarded with a shy smile in return. As the music began, Kurt lifted his chin in determination.

Puck sat up straighter as the notes reached him. He knew this song… and it wasn't at all what he'd been expecting. Kurt's voice showed nothing of his nervousness as he sang fiercely.

_** Maybe I need some rehab  
Or maybe just need some sleep  
I got a sick obsession  
I'm seeing it in my dreams**_

**_ I'm looking down every alley_**  
**_ I'm makin' those desperate calls_**  
**_ I'm staying up all night hoping_**  
**_ Hittin' my head against the wall_**

What was Kurt doing? That song couldn't possibly be about Finn. Kurt eyes blazed as he sang directly to him. Puck couldn't help the smile on his face as he watched Kurt prance around the room, his face and body animated as he acted out the lyrics.

_** What you got, boy, is hard to find  
I think about it all the time  
I'm all strung out, my heart is fried  
I just can't get you off my mind**_**  
**

Puck's happiness was short lived, however, as he noticed the reactions of those around him. They all looked uncomfortable. Almost as if they were embarrassed for Kurt… then he realized why. Even though Kurt was directing the song towards Puck, with Finn right in front of him, it looked like he was singing to the gangly teen.

Really? What the hell was wrong with those idiots?

_** Because your love, your love, your love is my drug  
Your love, your love, your love  
I said your love, your love, your love is my drug  
Your love, your love, your love  
**_

Mercedes was the only one actually looking at Puck, and she was glaring. She motioned toward Kurt with her head, and he could still hear her words about Kurt not being a dirty little secret. Was she crazy? She wanted him to come out to everyone here? Now?

He glanced back at Kurt. The boy was flawless… and sexy as hell dancing like that. The dark blue skinny jeans looked painted on, and they showed off Kurt's ass perfectly as he danced to the song.

_****__Won't listen to any advice  
Pappa's telling me I should think twice  
Better lef****__Won't listen to any advice  
Pappa's telling me I should think twice  
Better left to my own devices  
I'm addicted, it's a crisis_

_**My friends think I've gone crazy**_  
_**My judgment's getting kinda hazy**_  
_**My steeze is gonna be affected**_  
_**If I keep it up like a lovesick crackhead**_

_********___Finn put his head down, and Puck realized he was embarrassed. Did he really think the song was about him? Puck couldn't take it anymore. He was proud of Kurt… proud of being with Kurt.

Kurt became somewhat flustered as he seemed to realize what the others were thinking. His eyes flew to Puck in slight panic. Puck smirked at him, silently giving him permission to do what he wanted.

_** What you got, boy, is hard to find  
I think about it all the time  
I'm all strung out, my heart is fried  
I just can't get you off my mind**_

**_ Because your love, your love, your love is my drug_**  
**_ Your love, your love, your love_**  
**_ I said your love, your love, your love is my drug_**  
**_ Your love, your love, your love_**

As he sang Kurt moved into the crowd. Everyone seemed to hold their breath as he reached Finn, and then just walked past him, holding his hand out to Puck.

_** I don't care what people say  
The rush is worth the price I pay  
I get so high when you're with me  
But crash and crave you when you leave  
**_

Puck followed him to the front of the room, ignoring the gasps of the rest of the group. Nothing mattered except the smile on Kurt's face while he sang directly to him.

_** Hey, so I gotta question  
Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement?  
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum?  
Is my love with your drug? Your drug, your drug  
Your drug, is my love your drug?**_

_** Because your love, your love, your love is my drug**_  
_** Your love, your love, your love**_  
_** I said your love, your love, your love is my drug**_  
_** Your love, your love, your love**_

_** Because your love, your love, your love is my drug**_  
_** Your love, your love, your love**_  
_** I said your love, your love, your love is my drug**_  
_** Your love, your love, your love**_

Puck smirked as Kurt sang the last note. He pulled the smaller boy into a sweet kiss. This time the noise from the choir room could not be ignored. Gasps mingled with cheers, but Puck didn't care. Kurt was smiling at him adoringly, and it melted Puck's heart. At that moment he didn't care about anything else. It was not until later, when he was no longer basking in Kurt's happiness, that he realized the consequences of his actions. He had come out, in front of the Glee club. He had always considered himself straight but really he could no longer say that. What was he then? Puck wasn't sure. He also wasn't sure what this meant for his relationship with Kurt. He still had feelings for Quinn, so it wasn't like he was ready to commit to the other boy. Things were really a mess, but he couldn't regret it. Not with Kurt looking so happy. It didn't help with the all the confusing thoughts in his head.

What was he going to do now?

~#~

Kurt was still trying to catch his breath from his performance. He couldn't believe Puck had come out to everyone in Glee… for him. Kurt had been mortified when everyone though he was still hung up on Finn. Really were they all blind? Puck had come through for him though… and surprised everyone.

The chaos had caused Mr. Schue to sigh as he released them early. "That's enough for today, everyone. We'll finish this up on Tuesday.

Kurt was quickly surrounded by the Glee girls. Well, most of them anyway. Mercedes hugged him tightly, as Tina smiled at him.

"I don't understand, Kurt," Rachel said. "What just happened?"

"I sang a Ke$ha song… and I killed it, if I say so myself."

She tilted her head in annoyance as her hands landed on her hips. "No, Kurt… with Noah." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "He kissed you!"

"I am aware of that fact, Rachel," he said. "Since I was obviously there."

"Yes, yes, I know. But why did he kiss you? He's not gay." She had such a knowing look on her face that he wanted to smack it off. Even though he knew Puck was mostly straight, it didn't give Rachel the right to rain on his parade.

"You've heard of bisexuality, right Rachel?"

"I thought you didn't believe in that…" Her voice held a challenge and Kurt was not about to back down.

"That was before," he said with a smirk. "Puck's made a believer out of me."

She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. He had just rendered Rachel Berry speechless. Could this day get any better?

As he left the room with his bestie on his arm, he realized he actually believed what he told Rachel. There was no way a straight boy would react to Kurt the way that Noah had. And yet he knew Puck had been or was currently in love with Quinn. It only led to one conclusion… Puck was bi or pansexual or something similar.

He found this knowledge actually gave him hope. Hope he hadn't let himself have before… and now that it was there, he wasn't sure it was a good thing.

In between all the drama, the worries, the trying to comfort each other, Kurt had done the one thing he swore he would never do.

He fell in love with Noah Puckerman.

What was he going to do now?

tbc

A/N: Sorry this is so short. My muse has returned so I now have a direction for this story.. Yay! Also I know that when I'm reading fics, I skip past the song lyrics some of the time. My suggestion is that after reading this chapter, you listen to the song Your Love is My Drug by Ke$ha and picture Kurt singing it to Noah. The prancing around, the motions, the flirty looks… and then Puck joining him unabashedly. Well, I've listened to it over and over, and it never ceases to make me smile. I wish Kurt would sing this on the show. It would be amazing. Chris would be all over that.

I'm writing as we speak so there will be more updates soon.


	16. Chapter 16

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 16

As they walked down the hallway after Glee practice, Kurt tried to disentangle his arm from his best friend. This was one meeting with Puck he didn't want to be late for.

"Sorry, Mercedes," he said quickly. "I have something I need to do."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Kurt, honey, you do know you don't have to hide anymore. Everyone knows you and Puck are together… at least everyone in the Glee club.

He hadn't thought about that. Mercedes was right… they didn't have to sneak around anymore. "You think they all realized we're together… I mean that it wasn't just… you know…"

She stopped to look at him. "Kurt, after that performance, only an idiot couldn't see that you guys are very happily together."

"Hey guys."

He was saved from answering by Finn lumbering towards them.

"Kurt, I just wanted to ask you something…" He glanced down quickly at Mercedes and then focused once again on Kurt. "Everyone seems to think you and Puck are together, but I told them it was just part of the song…"

Kurt didn't even need to look at Mercedes to know she had a smug look on her face. "I love it when Finn proves my point for me."

He waved her off, instead concentrating on the taller boy. "Actually Finn…"

"I'm out. You guys have fun. And boy, you better call me tonight." Mercedes pointed her finger at before she wandered off.

Kurt paused to re-gather his thoughts before facing his ex-crush.

"Puck and I are together."

"Oh." Finn first looked confused and then a little angry. "That's just wrong."

Kurt was immediately on the defensive. Did Finn think he forced this on Puck? Or was he just against Puck being gay? But before he could say anything, Finn interrupted his thoughts.

"All those times he made fun of you for being gay. The dumpster dives? Calling you names? The slushies? And all this time he liked guys?" He shook his head, his jaw clenching in obvious irritation.

"It's okay, Finn," Kurt said, relieved that it wasn't anything against Puck being gay in general. I think that's why he did all those things. Maybe he couldn't handle his feelings."

Immediately the other boy was back to normal. Kurt shook his head. Finn had the emotional range of a teacup. More than one emotion at a time was too much for him.

"That makes sense," Finn said looking thoughtful. "Does this mean we can hang out now?"

Kurt really didn't want to go through this again. He just wanted to get to meet with Puck and put his pent up energy and excitement to good use. He knew, though, that he had to clear things up with Finn first.

"I'm just not sure it's a good idea."

"Oh." Finn looked sad and dejected. "I just miss you, Kurt…"

"Why is that? I've never heard you tell any of the other guys you miss them."

Finn looked up startled at his question. "Remember when Puck and I weren't talking last year? I missed hanging out with him, playing video games and stuff. But I couldn't tell him that. Not only cuz I was mad at him but guys just don't say things like that to each other."

"I'm a guy, Finn." He didn't know what else to do to get the other boy to understand, unless it was to tear his pants off and flash him. Finn might still be in denial about Kurt's masculinity.

"I know, Kurt… but you're not like the other guys. You don't care if I say stuff like that. I like talking to you. And you know a lot about girls. It's like… I don't know… like having a brother or something." Finn smiled at him. The same crooked smile that a month ago would have melted his heart and yet now… nothing.

Kurt closed his mouth, as it had temporarily dropped open. "Is that how you see us? As brothers?"

"Well, yeah."

Kurt couldn't help it. He laughed. "You know, Finn. If you had told me that earlier, it might have saved us both some heartache."

"Really?" His forehead crinkled in confusion.

"Really." Kurt smiled at Finn genuinely for the first time in forever. "And I'd love to get together for a little girl talk."

"You do realize I'm not a girl."

Kurt laughed and pulled Finn into a hug. It felt good. Like finding something that he'd lost. Only this time, he wouldn't ruin it with an inappropriate crush.

He pulled away, promising to get together soon, and intent on continuing his journey to reach Puck. As he reached the room he was winded from walking fast. He didn't want Puck to have to wait for him too long.

Disappointment washed over him as he realized the room was empty. Maybe Puck thought they weren't meeting after all. He checked his phone. There were no missed calls or texts. Surely that meant he was coming.

Suddenly Kurt realized why Puck was probably late. He'd just came out to the entire group. They would all want to talk to him. This probably wasn't easy for Puck. After all that… well, Kurt didn't mind waiting for him.

After fifteen minutes, Kurt patience was at an end. Puck could have at least texted him that he would be late or not coming at all. As he was about to give up, Puck finally ambled into the room. Kurt breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sorry, babe," Puck said. "I got stopped. People were definitely shocked. I don't know why. The Puckster's a love machine. Gender is irrelevant."

Kurt giggled. He was so happy to see him he didn't care that he sounded like a preteen girl. "No problem. You're here now." He walked over to him. "Thank you, Noah. You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to, Kurt. First of all, I couldn't have those idiots thinking you were singing to Finn. That's when I realized I didn't care what people thought."

Kurt wrapped his arms around Puck, breathing in his scent. Why had he let himself fall in love with him? Everything was 100% better with the knowledge and 100% worse. He wanted to hold on forever with Puck squeezing him tight. Kurt kissed him lightly on the cheek, as he pulled away. It was then that he noticed the slight hesitation from the other boy.

"Noah?" he asked with concern. "Is everything alright? Are you sure you're okay with coming out?"

"Yeah, it's not that."

"Then what?" Kurt asked softly. He wasn't sure he really wanted the answer.

"When I was leaving Glee, Quinn stopped me. She wanted to talk."

"Oh?" Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat. His heart was beating quickly in anticipation of his answer.

"Yeah," Puck said, hesitating for a second. When he did speak the words came out in a rush.

"Quinn wants to get back together."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: I have to be honest with you all. When I started this story, this chapter was going to be the ending. I realized, though, that I couldn't do it. Partly because you guys have been so wonderful to me, and partly because there aren't enough Puckurt stories out there. So don't worry. This will have a happy Puckurt ending.

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 17

Kurt couldn't stop his first thought from leaving his mind and spilling out of his mouth.

"That bitch!"

"Kurt," Puck said softly.

"You know it's true."

He wasn't sure if it was the look on his face or the exasperated sigh, but it reminded him that Puck was still in love with her. Pain stabbed through him at the thought, but he didn't feel sorry for himself. He deserved it.

He'd told himself all along that he wouldn't fall for the jock and now that promise, so easy to give, had burst like a balloon in his face. He'd been so sure he could handle it, never realizing the danger until it was too late. Would he be able to put his life back together? His heartbreak over Finn was nothing compared to this pain… and yet, he still didn't know Puck's answer. Maybe there was hope.

"Sorry," Kurt said finally. "It's just… I don't understand. Why now? Is it because you might be happy?"

Puck smiled sadly. "It's because of you."

He couldn't say anything. This was low, even for Quinn. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on him. As his body shook with anger, his nails dug into his palms.

"She's always said we couldn't be together because I continued to cheat on her." Puck shuffled his feet, his hands stuck in his pockets, and his eyes never reaching Kurt's.

That should have been her first clue. Kurt wisely kept his mouth shut this time. What good would it do? He knew Puck didn't want to hurt him, but it didn't ease the ache that started in his chest and was making its way to every part of his body.

"She didn't think I had it in me to be faithful," the jock continued. "To be honest, neither did I."

Kurt nodded. He already knew all this. He just wanted to get this conversation over with so he could nurse his wounds. Preferably over lots and lots of ice cream.

"In fact, while _we've_ been together," he motioned between the two of them. "I haven't cheated at all. And actually, since we never really did it, it's been awhile. That's a record for me, Kurt."

"Congratulations."

"Kurt," Puck said reaching out to touch his arm and searching his face.

He flinched in response, as he took a step backwards. He couldn't. Not without knowing for sure it was over. Not without falling apart.

"So she thinks you've matured… done 'sowing your oats' or whatever." Kurt crossed his arms defensively, as his eyes smarted with tears.

"Yeah. She said she was grateful to you…"

"So fucking glad I could help."

"… for helping me though a difficult time," Puck continued, ignoring his outburst.

"That she caused, Puck. That she caused!" He couldn't just say nothing. "Please don't forget that," he added softly.

Puck stared at him intently, causing Kurt to look down. He couldn't stand to see the answer in his eyes. Yet, he needed to hear it.

"So you're back together with her." Kurt hated the note of desperate hope in his voice.

"No."

His head snapped up, the hope in his eyes was fierce… but brief, as it died just as quickly.

"Not yet."

"I see." The words were just a whisper. He was amazed he could speak at all. His throat seemed to be closing with choked back tears.

"I wanted to talk to you first." Puck's eyes pleaded with him to understand. "Kurt, I have to try. I've loved her for so long. If there's any chance…"

Kurt willed the tears back as he nodded shakily. He would not break down. He couldn't let Puck know just how devastated he was. He was just glad he hadn't told him yet. Puck would never know how much he loved him. "It's fine," he finally said. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

Puck snorted. "I've got my eyes open this time. Don't worry about me." He lightly took Kurt's hand. "I know I don't have a right to say this… but please don't go back to Finn. You've come so far."

Kurt stopped the almost hysterical laugh that threatened to leave his mouth. He was in absolutely no danger of falling for Finn. Not now. Not after getting a taste of what real love felt like. It was like comparing a bee sting to an alligator bite.

"You're right, Puck. You have no say in who I see or what I do. Not anymore." His raised his chin as he watched the jock's face. His voice held a slight edge to it. "But don't worry. Finn sees me as a brother and the feeling is mutual."

Puck released a tense breath. "Good. Not that I want you to be alone. I don't. You deserve to be happy."

"I'm so happy, I could just spit," he said with the best smile he could manage at that moment. On Quinn, he added silently.

"I mean it, Kurt. Remember that list I told you about? I still have it." He pulled the tattered piece of paper out of his back pocket.

A hot blush crawled up his neck. Wasn't it enough that Noah was leaving him for Quinn? Did he have to be humiliated as well?

"These are the guys I'm pretty sure are either gay or likes both."

"Not necessary, Noah."

"Just look at it, okay?"

"I don't know whether to be insulted or grateful." Of course that wasn't true. Insulted and embarrassed had won out long ago. Still he knew Noah was just trying to help, and he took the worn paper from his hand. "All these guys have checked you out?"

"What can I say? I'm a stud."

His lips pursed, Kurt looked over the messily scrawled names. Some he recognized, others he didn't. There was a guy from his science class… no thanks. He couldn't handle long stringy hair. And another jock… Kurt didn't know him well, but with that obviously dyed blond hair, he could have figured out on his own that Sam Evans was gay. So that was a possibility… All at once he stopped, unable to believe his eyes.

"Karofsky? Are you fucking kidding me?" Kurt usually didn't swear this much, but he was having a stressful day and harsh words were not only necessary but mandatory.

"Seriously, dude. I caught him checking Evans out during football."

He tried not to think about that too much. "Thanks, Noah," he said trying to keep the pain from his voice. Kurt had no doubt that Quinn was going to hurt him, but he also knew Puck needed this chance. He just had to accept that and move on. Yet, who would he have to help him now. Noah had been his coping mechanism.

Pain seared through him. He couldn't think about that now. He had to get through this. Then and only then could he let himself go. And Mercedes would help. He even welcomed the 'I told you so's that were sure to come. He would just have to stop her from killing Puck. Or maybe not. From now on, the jock was on his own.

"Can I have a hug?"

Kurt nodded folding himself into Puck's arms, trying to memorize the moment… the unique smell and feel of the other boy. He didn't want to let go, but he finally pulled away.

"I need to go." Puck swiped at his eyes. "I'll miss this… you, Kurt." His smile was sad but sweet. His eyes were still adoring, and maybe that's what made it more difficult to take.

He was probably going to Quinn. To make it official.

If he let it, that knowledge would paralyze him. He couldn't give in to the panic gripping him. He looked down, trying to focus on something—anything else.

Puck was almost out the door when Kurt stopped him.

"Wait, Noah."

The other boy turned toward him, his eyes questioning.

"Some of these names have asterisks next to them." Kurt looked at him curiously, ignoring the fluttering of his traitorous heart when Noah turned around and smiled.

"Oh yeah," Puck said. "Those are the guys that I caught checking _you_ out."

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Sorry this is so late guys. We're close to the end now. About two chapters left. Thanks for all the love.

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 18

Mercedes shifted her legs, leaning forward as she added the clear coat to his manicure. A 'girls night' complete with mani-pedi and facials was just the thing Kurt needed to put things in perspective. He wasn't sure he could have survived the night without the help from his best friend.

His dad had been skeptical. It was a school night and spending the night at a friend's house was against the rules. Still one look at Kurt's blotchy, puffy face, was obviously enough to convince him. His dad had his 'giving someone an ass kicking for this' face on, but out loud he only said, "Anything I can do?"

"It's about a boy…"

"Okay, well. Just remember—you matter, Kurt." With that said he sent him on his way into the loving embrace of his bestie.

To her credit, Mercedes hadn't once brought out the 'told you so' he deserved. Kurt was extremely grateful for this. Instead they were relaxing on her bed, doing their nails, and trash talking Quinn.

He felt better, partly because Mercedes had him in stitches. His side hurt from laughing, and he was having a hard time not moving.

"You're making me mess up, Kurt." She tried to glare but failed miserably.

"It's your fault!" He took a deep breath to calm down, not only so his nails would be perfect but because he was feeling a little hysterical. If he didn't stop laughing, he was afraid it would turn into uncontrollable sobbing.

"Seriously, do you want me to take her out for you?"

"Like you'd hurt a pregnant woman."

"True, that."

"In fact, Mercedes," he said seriously. "Aren't you guys friends?"

She sighed as she started on the other hand. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean she can hurt my bff like that."

"But you do agree with her..."

She stopped working to look him in the eyes. "I feel sorry for her. Even though she made some mistakes, she doesn't deserve all the crap she's been getting. I know she cares about Puck—but that boy was a slut, Kurt. You and I both know that. I can't blame her for dumping him in the first place."

"And now…" he whispered.

"And now, he's not. But that's not because of Quinn, sweetie. It's because of you."

Kurt gnawed on his lip as he thought about that. Mercedes finished up the clear coat and inspected her work, all while watching him from under her lashes.

"Do you think he'll cheat on her, again?" His voice was low as his thoughts came out uncensored.

"Depends."

His gaze shifted up to meet her face. "On what?"

"Do you intend on giving him any?"

His mouth dropped open in shock. "Mercedes! Of course not."

Her look was skeptical.

"Okay, well. I did think about it." Kurt said. "Not doing _that _exactly, but I thought if she caught him kissing me, then she might break up with him again. But I couldn't do that to him. That's not who I am."

"I know," she said with a sad smile. "So my answer is no. He won't cheat on her."

"Oh." His face fell. There really was no hope, and he needed to get that through his head.

"Again, Kurt. That has more to do with you than her. He won't do that to you."

"If he cares so much about me, why is he with her?"

Mercedes put her hands on either side of his face, pulling him closer until their foreheads were touching. They sat that way for a few moments while he absorbed her calming presence.

"Have you ever considered he might be doing this for the baby?"

He jerked his head away, his mouth open in surprise. "The baby? I guess… I didn't think… Isn't she giving it up?"

"Yeah, she plans on giving _her _up for adoption, but from what I understand Puck is trying to talk her out of it."

"How do you know all this?"

"We're friends, remember. She tells me stuff. And I know I shouldn't be telling you, but I hate to see you hurting. He even picked out a name… Beth."

Kurt's chest tightened. He hadn't thought about any of that. And instead of making him feel better, he felt worse. If Puck was doing to be involved with the baby, then all hope truly was gone. Even if by some miracle Noah loved him, he wouldn't give up the opportunity to be with his child. If Quinn did keep the baby, they would all be one happy family.

"Doesn't matter…" he mumbled.

"You know what? I have a gallon of Rocky Road ice cream calling out to us. Ready to get some brain freeze?"

Kurt laughed as she quickly fetched the cold treat and two spoons.

How was it that ice cream and laughing with his bff could make everything almost better?

"And did you see the disaster that was Rachel Berry today? I swear you'd think with two gay dad's she would be able to dress herself."

Kurt was grateful for the inane chatter. His brain was tired of thinking, and his eyes were tired of crying. He let her voice wash over him as he numbed himself to the pain, at least for a little while.

At the end of the night the heartache resurfaced, and he cried on his best friend's shoulder. Literally. He curled up against her, his head on her shoulder, and cried himself to sleep.

Mercedes truly was the best friend ever.

Kurt pulled out his first hour science book and stuffed it into his book bag. As he slammed the locker shut, he tilted his chin up.

He was done crying over Noah Puckerman. Okay, probably not, but he would be damned if anyone else knew that. His aching heart would be hidden to the world, and to them he would act like this was a normal day. Once the announcement was made that the happy couple was back together, he would get inundated with sympathy. He didn't need it, and no one but Mercedes would know how much pain he was in. Especially not the person responsible for that pain.

He needed a distraction, and thankfully Puck had provided just that. He pulled the faded piece of paper out of his pocket. Time to check out the possibilities. Not that he wanted another guy, because he didn't. It wouldn't be fair to anyone he tried to date, since no one could replace Noah. Still it would be interesting to see if Puck was right or if it was just a case of over-inflated ego. Probably a little of both.

But how could he have gone through McKinley this long and not known there were others? And some of the names seemed impossible.

His first opportunity to test the list came during his first class, since he was seated next to the boy with the long stringy hair. Did he even bathe?

It was easier than he thought. Finn was also in the class and at one point the taller boy dropped his pencil. It went further than he could reach—although he tried. In the end the jock had to get up, and when he bent over, Kurt looked away. He didn't want anyone thinking he was still stuck on Finn. As he looked over, he noticed the boy next to him staring at Finn's ass.

"Brett," he whispered harshly.

The other boy turned his gaze reluctantly away from the jock.

"Yeah?"

Kurt gave him a pointed look, but he didn't seem to understand the problem.

The soprano sighed. "You were staring at Finn's ass."

"Oh, yeah," he said. "He's hot."

Kurt was surprised by his honest admission.

"Be that as it may, Brett, you're never going to get a guy to notice you unless you do something very important first."

"What?" Thankfully, he sounded interested. Kurt decided to go with the most obvious thing first.

"Bathe."

"Dude, I can do that."

"On a daily basis," he added for good measure. The fact that the other boy seemed to be high all the time another thing, but he could only handle one issue at a time.

"Oh," Brett said nodding his head. "Then I'll have a chance with you, right?"

Kurt shuddered at the thought, and not in a good way. "Absolutely, not." He knew from experience that it was best not to sugar coat these things. Of course, he was usually on the other end of that predicament.

"Oh."

"But someone is out there for you. Just don't bother with Finn, he's straight." Been there, done that, he added silently.

"Thanks, dude."

As he wandered through his classes, Kurt wondered how he had managed to be so clueless. So far Puck had been right about Brett, but what of the others? Some of those names just seemed impossible. But he had a feeling Puck knew what he was talking about. The jock was observant, something Kurt needed to work on.

Thinking about Noah brought back the pain waiting on the edges of his heart and mind. It was never too far away and if he breathed just right, he could feel the sting.

The problem was he didn't just lose an almost boyfriend and make out partner. He lost one of his best friend and support system. He could talk to Mercedes. She literally saved his life. But she wasn't enough.

She wasn't Noah.

He needed to just suck it up. He knew what he was getting into when he started things with Puck. The other boy didn't belong to him and although they could someday be friends again, right now it wasn't possible.

Now he only had his memories and his pain to keep him company. And as much as it hurt, it was better than the emptiness. The feeling of nothingness. Of disappearing… that threatened to settle over him.

It would be easy to fall into that nothingness. The numbness that would eradicate the pain and insure that nothing mattered. But he couldn't do that. His dad's health wasn't the best, and Kurt walking around like a zombie would just upset him more.

The pain kept him in the present, in the moment, and it fueled his anger. It was a building pressure that needed to get out. It needed an outlet. He suddenly had an inkling of why people cut themselves. Not that he would do that. He wasn't upset enough to mare his skin. Scars were so not his thing.

Although this was no one's fault, he wanted to blame everyone, especially himself.

Kurt walked into the cafeteria, ignoring Puck and Quinn at a nearby table, and stood in line behind Mercedes.

Evidently his eyes didn't get the memo that Puck was now off limits because they were immediately drawn to the boy, drinking in his beautiful face, sexy grin, and broad shoulders. But the sight of Quinn next to him at the table was a not so subtle reminder, and he forced his gaze forward.

"Hey, Kurt." Mercedes gave him a big smile, the corner of which he could see the questions; they were also reflected in her eyes.

"Hey, sweetie. I'm fine."

"I didn't say a word."

"You didn't have to," he said bumping his shoulder against hers affectionately.

Obviously somewhat reassured, she turned to fill her plate with the questionable food. Just as Kurt was contemplating getting a salad instead, he heard a ruckus behind him.

"What the hell, Karofsky? Move it."

Kurt turned suddenly at the mention of his bully's name. It was a reflex-always know where your enemy was located. The football player was behind him, but for some reason he had stopped moving. There was a good two feet between them, and he was looking down.

The reason for this was apparent as Kurt followed his gaze. Noticing Kurt had turned, he looked up quickly his face turning pink.

Kurt raised an eyebrow in response. Embarrassment turned to anger as the bully's go-to emotion of choice.

"What do you want Hummel?" or it could have been homo… sometimes he couldn't tell.

"I think 'what do _you _want' is the correct question. And you can forget it Karofsky."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," he said but his gaze jolted around making sure no one was looking at them.

"Of course you don't," Kurt said. "But for the record, you would be much happier if you'd accept yourself."

"I'd be happier if you'd stop talking to me."

Usually Kurt would be either yelling of giving smart ass answers but now that he was looking he could see the pain practically radiating off the bigger boy.

"No problem. Just think about what I said. I'm here if you need any help."

"Why would _I_ need help from a fag?"

"That's a good question, Karofsky. When you can admit the answer let me know."

Kurt turned around without waiting for a response, insanely satisfied with the surprised look on the jock's face.

He did his best to enjoy his lunch, ignoring Puck and Quinn, and focusing on his meatloaf surprise. Mercedes did her best to help—gossiping and criticizing everyone's outfits. And while Kurt appreciated the effort, his appetite was as uninterested in lunch as his mind and heart. The only good thing about today was that there was no Glee Club.

He had a free period after lunch, and he wasn't sure what to do. Mr. Schue said he could use the choir room, but all the songs he could think of to sing were sad. That might help but it might also make him feel worse. The choir room also brought back memories… of Puck holding him up against the piano ravishing him only with his words.

Kurt closed his eyes and willed the memory away. It was too painful.

"Are you okay?"

His eyes popped open at the soft question.

"Yes, fine. Thank you."

The boy in front of him smiled sweetly and even hurting like he was, Kurt could appreciate the blonde hair and oh so sexy lips.

"I'm Sam."

He realized he was staring, so he smiled instead. "Kurt…"

"Hi, Kurt. Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

He shuffled his feet nervously. "I just wanted to know about Glee Club."

"I've seen you around Sam. Aren't you on the football team?" At the boy's nod, he added, "Several of the other players are in Glee. Why didn't you ask one of them?"

"I did. Puck said I should ask you."

Kurt wasn't sure how to feel about that. Angry because Puck thought he could rearrange his life however he wanted to assuage his guilt? Or happiness that Puck was still thinking and worrying about him?

All he knew was his head hurt and his heart ached.

"Kurt?"

"I'm sorry. What do you want to know Sam?" He smiled at the other boy. There was no reason in taking his melancholy out on him.

"I was thinking we could just hang out and talk. Do you have a free period right now?"

Kurt hesitated. He really didn't want company. Mostly because it took too much effort to try and carry on a conversation. Still, Sam looked so hopeful. "I do. I was getting ready to go to the choir room. Care to join me?"

The smile was instantaneous, and Kurt couldn't help grinning in response. Maybe this would be a good thing. At least he wouldn't obsess over Puck.

He led the way with Sam following along like a puppy. Once inside, he gave the other boy a serious look. "If you're interested in Glee, you'll have to audition. So let's hear it…"

The blond boy looked surprised but didn't back down. "Do you know Billionaire?

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Not one of my favorites, but maybe you can change my mind," he said before trailing his fingers over the piano.

Sam's voice was interesting and a nice change from the other boys in Glee. He would fit in nicely. Kurt clapped with enthusiasm when he was finished.

They talked most of the time about the good and bad things about Glee Club. Kurt believed in full disclosure. It would be devastating to have someone start and then just drop out.

With a few minutes left in the hour, Sam started wringing his hands as he looked at the floor.

"Sam?"

He looked up with a shy smile.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go to Breadstix with me tonight."

"Oh," Kurt said with sigh. "I don't know. I'm trying to get over someone right now. I'm not sure I would be very good company."

"That's okay. I just want to spend more time with you."

"Can I be honest with you?" At the other boy's nod, he continued. "I think in other circumstances I could really like you. But right now, my hearts broken, and everything I do and say is tainted by that fact. It's not fair to you to lead you on. You deserve better than that." He smiled weakly, trying not to cry.

Sam reached out and took his hand, the warmth of his touch oddly reassuring. "I really like you, Kurt. I have for awhile. I understand what you mean, but I'm willing to just be friends with you if that's what you want."

"I don't know if I'll ever be ready," he whispered.

"That's okay. If there's even a chance for me, you know… when you're ready, I'm willing to wait. You're worth it, Kurt."

He flushed at the compliment, not used to anyone but Puck appreciating him in that way. He was already tired of being alone and the thought of going out with Sam was more appealing than he expected.

It wasn't like Sam didn't understand. He wasn't leading him on. Maybe they could just be friends, and if Kurt ever got over Puck, maybe there was a chance for them. Anything was better than just moping.

"Okay," he said. "Breadstix, tonight. But just remember, Sam. This is not a date."

"Deal."

As they parted to go to their next class, Kurt realized that even if it wasn't an actual date, this would be his first time going out in public alone, with another boy.

And planning his wardrobe for the occasion would be a nice distraction.


	19. Chapter 19

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 19

The evidence of Kurt's major freakout could be seen all over the room. Even so the chaos was organized as shirts were draped, not thrown, on one side of the bed, and pants on the other. Scarves laid carefully across the couch, the bright colors sparkling like jewels against the white background. Of course, nothing touched the floor. He would never let that happen to his babies. Each one was loved as much as the other, although there was a certain Hermes scarf that he would never admit out loud was his favorite.

Nothing was right. Everything he tried was either too casual or too date-ish. He plopped down on the open area on his couch, his face in his hands.

What was he thinking? He wasn't ready for this. It had seemed like a good idea until he actually made it back to the safety of his room. Then the memories refused to go away. Puck spread out naked on his bed. The warmth of his body against Kurt's, his arms strong and comforting. The way the other boy would kiss his neck, his chest. The feeling of his Mohawk as it rubbed against Kurt's chin. Memories that at one point would have brought out an entirely different reaction, now just made him sad.

He didn't stop the tears once they started flowing. Why should he? He felt justified in his sobbing. This was his right. He lost something wonderful… but maybe it was never his to begin with.

Still he wasn't ready. He was still grieving the loss of what could have been and no Bieber wannabe was going to take that away from him. He would just have to call Sam and tell him he wasn't going to make it.

The buzzing of his phone distracted him from his tears.

_Stop it right now. _

Kurt actually looked around. How could Mercedes know what he was doing? She was bluffing. He quickly texted her back.

_I have no idea what you're talking about._

He quickly went to the bathroom and washed his face, even though she couldn't possibly see him. Her response was waiting for him when he got back.

_I know you, Kurt. You're crying over Puck and thinking about ditching Sam._

Damn she was good. Why had he even told her?

_Not true. I just have nothing to wear. _

Of course, he knew she wasn't fooled. Not in the least.

_A walk-in closet full of nothing._

He smiled slightly at that.

_Exactly. So now you understand my problem?_

Her response was almost immediate.

_I do, sweetie. Do you want my help?_

Kurt had no doubt that she understood everything, as the tears started once again.

_Yes. Please. I don't think I can do this by myself._

One best friend, two boxes of tissues, a tube of concealer, and thirty minutes later, Kurt was ready to face his non-date with Sam.

As he walked into the restaurant, he knew he was dressed fabulously, artfully casual, but still fabulous. The glint of appreciation in the other boy's eyes helped to calm his nervousness but did nothing to assuage his guilt. Really what was he doing here? He felt like he was using Sam, and even though it was with his permission, it still didn't feel right.

Sam looked adorable as he smiled in greeting. "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine."

Kurt couldn't stop a giggle from escaping his mouth. He loved Casablanca, and Sam had effectively relieved any uneasiness between them.

Impressions were Sam's thing evidently, but Kurt didn't mind. He found him adorable in all his geekiness. He'd heard his Sean Connery one at school.

The way he looked at it was that it was like singing, a way of becoming someone else, of playing a role. If he wasn't so Puck-obsessed, he might have found it very attractive.

Although Sam was obviously shy, he was able to keep Kurt entertained during the meal. He seemed to realize Kurt wasn't able to hold up his side of the conversation, and he made sure there was never too long of a lull.

He found to his surprise that he was actually enjoying himself. He made a mental note to thank Mercedes later for forcing him to follow through with it.

They were laughing at another one of Sam's impressions when a shadow fell across the table.

"Well, isn't this cozy?"

"Hey, Quinn," Sam said with a grin, oblivious of the sudden tension in the air.

Puck was right behind her, looking uncomfortable.

Kurt's heart thudded painfully in his chest. Why when things were starting to feel almost normal did Noah have to show up? He wasn't ready to deal with this, being this close to him. He could smell the cologne Puck wore. It was amazing that even the cheap stuff smelled amazing if on the right person. He could feel the invisible thread that connected them, but he couldn't understand why. They weren't together anymore so it should be broken, like his heart.

He chanced a look at Noah's face. His gaze was intense as he watched him, and Kurt suddenly knew the problem. The desire, the need, the caring in his eyes was still there. Even if the other boy loved Quinn and wanted her, it didn't magically erase his feelings for Kurt. That was a heady realization, but Puck couldn't have it both ways.

Suddenly Kurt was angry. What gave him the right to not only engineer this whole thing with Sam, but to still want him as well? How was he supposed to get over him, when he was looking at him like that? It wasn't fair. None of this was fair.

At heart, however, Kurt was a true performer. And this was his stage.

"Quinn, Puck. How nice to see you both. Sam and I were just having dinner." He reached over playfully and took his non-date's hand. Sam didn't flinch although he looked somewhat confused by Kurt's sudden brightness.

"Would you like to join us?"

Kurt was startled by the offer but hid it well. Sam didn't know, so he couldn't blame him for being nice.

"No that's okay," Quinn said. "We wouldn't want to interrupt."

"It's not like we're …"

Kurt's under the table kick to his leg stopped the rest of his words.

"…going to mind," he said, smiling at Sam, encouraging him to just go with it.

"We would love for you to join us, right sweetie?"

He couldn't help it, he kicked him again. Really, there was such a thing as going along and going too far.

"Okay, well. We'll see you guys later."

Puck just nodded at them both as he trailed behind his date.

The silence became awkward as they both continued eating.

"So, Puck's the guy?"

"Why would you say that?" Kurt said, nervously fiddling with his fork.

"Well, first of all I'm sure my legs have bruises, and I didn't think we reached the hand holding stage quite yet since we're not actually dating, although you obviously want them to think we are."

"Sam…"

"But mostly," he continued, "because this morning Puck and I were on good terms and right now he looks like he want to kill me."

Kurt tilted his head to the side. "Wait, what?" He almost turned around when Sam grabbed his hand.

"Don't look."

"He's really upset? You know what. I don't care. If you must know Puck, and I were together but he dumped me for Miss Thing there. So that's that."

Sam pushed his food around, looked down with a sigh.

"What?"

"I just realized I don't have a chance. You obviously care about him, and he isn't ready to let you go. Where does that leave me?"

"He chose her, Sam. Don't count yourself out just yet." Kurt gave him an encouraging smile. Unfortunately it was also an act. Sam didn't have a chance but it had nothing to do with Puck still wanting him. It had everything to do with Kurt's stubborn heart.

Still, he would have to eventually get over Puck. He had no choice. And if that happened maybe he and Sam could work out.

~#~#~

Last night was wonderful and heartbreaking all at the same time. Kurt wasn't sure what to expect from today, but to say it had been strange so far was an understatement.

Sam had been by his side most of the day. Kurtofsky ignored him completely, not even a slight shove. And Brett had actually bathed.

The strangest thing of all was Puck and Quinn. Kurt was still waiting for the announcement of their reunification, but so far he'd heard nothing. No one even noticed they weren't hanging out. Of course they'd never known when they had either. They were really good at hiding it.

Any time he saw Puck all he received was a glare. Really, that wasn't right. Noah was the one who called it off. Was he really angry just because Kurt was hanging around Sam? Quinn was also giving him evil looks. She got what she wanted. Why did she care?

He let Sam and Mercedes distract him from his pain, but he knew he would soon have to have a conversation with the blond boy. As funny as he was and as nice as he was to look at, they couldn't continue like this.

Kurt had caught a glimpse of his amazing abs and had to excuse himself for a moment to catch his breath. Not because Sam was so gorgeous, although he was, but because he'd had a flashback of kissing Puck's chest and stomach and…

That was as far as he got before he had to run to the girl's bathroom. He fought the unwelcome erection as well as the equally unwelcome and inevitable tears.

Would every guy remind him of Puck? He felt so alone-so drained. He didn't know what to do anymore.

The day wore on with Kurt barely making it. By the time Glee came along he was exhausted. Wearing a mask was difficult, even more so if someone was constantly by your side waiting to see if it would slip.

Mr. Schue announced Sam and everyone seeded excited to get a new member, except for Puck. He just scowled at them. Kurt rolled his eyes, tired of the drama. And people thought he was a drama queen.

Sam sat down next to him as their choir teacher started the lesson.

"Well the only person we have left to perform this week's assignment is Puck. Are you ready?"

Kurt's eyes jolted from his teacher to his ex-whatever they were. He'd forgotten entirely about this. Because if he'd remembered, he would have skipped Glee. It seemed a lifetime since Kurt's performance, when Puck came out to everyone.

And now he was going to sing to Quinn. It all made sense now. This was how he was going to announce their reconciliation. By singing to Quinn. It didn't really fit the assignment… how had she helped him?

But Kurt knew with a certainty that it was going to happen. He could tell by the determined look on Puck's face and the expectant look on Quinn's.

Still he held out some hope, but as the first strands of Puck's guitar rang out, those hopes were dashed. He knew this song. It was a beautiful love song, and it was typically sung by a girl.

Noah's voice was pure and sweet, with just a hint of that huskiness that Kurt loved.

_If you were falling, then I would catch you.__  
__You need a light, I'd find a match._

_Cuz I love the way you say good morning.__  
__And you take me the way I am._

As he looked down, unable to bear the sight of Puck serenading Quinn, he avoided looking at everyone else, as well. He didn't need their pity, he already felt humiliated.

How had he reached this point?

_If you are chilly, here take my sweater.__  
__Your head is aching, I'll make it better._

_Cuz I love the way you call me baby.__  
__And you take me the way I am.__  
_

Suddenly it was just too much. The room was quiet, except for the music, as if everyone was in shock, watching him. The words faded under the pounding in his head. Why would Puck do this to him? In front of everyone?

_I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.__  
__Sew on patches to all you tear._

_Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.__  
__And you take me the way I am.__  
_

The tears flowed freely down his face, and Kurt could no longer hold back his sounds of grief. It didn't matter if everyone knew. Nothing seemed to matter. The man he adored was singing a love song to someone else.

Kurt fled the room, ignoring the sound of his name being called. He couldn't face anyone right now.

He just needed to be alone in his misery.

A/N: The song is The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson. It's beautiful and I can just see Puck singing it. I want to thank everyone who suggested songs to me. This just fit what I wanted Puck to say.


	20. Chapter 20

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 20

He wasn't even sure how he managed to avoid everyone as he escaped to the sanctuary of his home. There was no doubt in his mind that Mercedes would try and come after him. And possibly even Sam. Kurt didn't need their help. Not yet. His emotions were still too raw.

Ever since his arrival home, his dad had been hovering. Normally he would still be at the shop but for some reason today he was home early, as if he sensed his only son was in crisis.

"Do you want to talk about it, Kurt?"

"It's about a boy…" he answered dryly, knowing that would be the end of the offer.

"Okay… I'm listening."

He looked up in surprise and then broke down, throwing himself into his dad's arms and hugging him tightly as the tears streamed down his face. After a few moments of just inhaling the unconditional love emitting from his dad, he pulled himself together.

"Not ready to talk about it yet. But thanks," he said with a watery smile.

"Anytime, kiddo. Why don't you go get in comfortable clothes, pick out a movie, and I'll bring you a cup of tea."

He nodded, not trusting his voice. His dad always knew how to make him feel better.

Once he was in his room and changed into his favorite pajamas, he curled up on the bed hugging his pillow. He should have expected everything that happened. Of course Noah would sing to Quinn. Why was he surprised? He must have been distracted by sweet Sam and jealous Puck.

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut trying to block out the pain. Maybe someday he would feel normal again, not like he'd lost a part of himself. That day seemed far away, though, because right now he was barely making it.

His dad brought his tea, not commenting on the lack of movie on the TV. He just ruffled Kurt's hair and left him alone. It was a testament to his mood that he didn't really care the gesture. It was endearing even. It reminded him of when he was younger and is dad would do it all the time. Back then Kurt didn't mind as much. Even now when he was upset, he took it for what it was…a sign of affection. The love radiated off of him, and Kurt used it as a balm to heal his wounded heart.

The sound of the door opening and subsequent footsteps jerked him awake. The room was dark and he realized he must have been asleep for quite a while. Not surprising since he'd been exhausted. Why was heartbreak so tiring.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah, Dad."

"Sorry to wake you up. I just wanted to check on how you're doing."

"Okay, I guess." His voice sounded small and pitiful.

"You've had several visitors in the last few hours, but I just shooed them away."

He sat up quickly. Had Noah come to see him? And more importantly, why did he even care?

"Mercedes was here. She said it was important that she talk to you. Evidently you turned off your phone."

He'd forgotten about his phone. He didn't want to deal with the pity and the drama. And he couldn't face Puck. The easiest solution was just to turn the thing off.

"I told her you were sleeping, and you'd call her later."

"Thanks, Dad."

"Then there was some blond boy. He said he was worried about you. That's not the guy, is it?"

He asked as if he already knew the answer, and Kurt just shook his head, with a wry smile. Why couldn't he be in love with Sam? It would have been so much easier.

"Which brings me to _that_…" he paused as if trying to think of an appropriate word, "_kid _with the Mohawk."

"Noah?"

Kurt knew his voice sounded breathless and hopeful, and he cursed his traitorous heart.

"I guess that answers my question. He was here too. I sent him away. He didn't want to go, so I threatened to get my gun."

He smiled slightly at that. "Dad, you don't have a gun."

"Yeah, well I'm not telling him that."

Kurt looked down at his hands. For a moment he'd been distracted by the mental image of Puck running out to avoid his dad's gun. Just thinking about the boy brought all the pain back.

"He chose someone else. I thought…" He looked up trying to avoid more tears. "I thought he loved me. But he picked someone else. A girl."

"I can still shoot him if you want. I know where I can get a gun."

Kurt laughed as he stood up and hugged his dad again.

"Not at this point, but I'll let you know if I change my mind."

As his dad left, Kurt was once more smothered by the quietness of the room. He turned on some soft music to fill the void. He thought about checking his messages but decided he wasn't ready for that. He fell asleep again, trying not to think of Noah.

"Kurt?"

He jerked awake again, wiping the drool from his mouth. His mind felt like mush.

"Yeah?"

"You have another visitor, and she says it's very important that she talk to you."

"Could you tell Mercedes I don't feel good right now?"

"It's not Mercedes. She didn't tell me her name but she's blonde."

He knew it wasn't Brittney, and that only left one person.

"Hello, Kurt."

They both turned toward the sound of her voice. Quinn was standing behind his dad, and Kurt was amazed they didn't hear her coming into the room.

"I told you to wait upstairs. You have no right to just barge in…"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hummel. But as I said, it's very important that I talk to Kurt."

"I don't know about that…" He was still staring daggers at her as his body partially hid Kurt. His dad was in full protective mode and it made him feel warm inside.

"Dad? It's okay. Could you make me some soup? I'm a little hungry."

"Sure thing kiddo."

The hope in his dad's eyes made him feel less guilty about the lie. Kurt wanted him out of the way. There was no telling what Quinn wanted but if it turned ugly, he didn't need his dad around.

Once his dad was gone, Kurt wrapped his arms around his chest. "Here to gloat?"

"Hardly," she responded. "Don't you ever check your phone? People have been trying to reach you."

"I didn't feel like talking to anyone. What do you want, Quinn?"

She still looked like she wanted nothing more than to murder him and hide the body. The feeling was mutual.

"Believe me, Kurt. This wasn't my idea. Noah begged me to come here and check on you."

"That's touching. I'm fine. You can go now."

She ignored him, instead sitting down on the couch. He shook his head and settled on the side of the bed.

"He's changed, you know. And it's because of you." Her voice sounded sad, and he wondered at the cause.

"So I've been told. So happy I could help you out."

She laughed at that, infuriating him. Was she really that heartless?

"You're such an idiot."

He stood up quickly. He'd had enough. "You can go now, before my dad get's his gun."

"I forgot how much of a drama queen you are, Kurt." The blonde cheerleader stood up and walked toward the door. Before her foot reached the first step she turned toward him. "You won, by the way." She began her assent up the stairs as her words shifted around in his head, trying to make sense.

"Wait," he said stepping toward her. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying I have nothing to gloat about because he chose you."

"But that's not possible. He sang to you…" Nothing was making sense, and the improbability of everything… her words, the fact that she was in his house, in his room… maybe this was all a dream.

"Did you even listen to the words?" she continued. "I'm the one _always_ trying to change him. And unlike you, I will never need Rogaine."

"I don't understand." It still wasn't making sense. Or was it just that he was too afraid to believe it?

She huffed back down the stairs. "It's not rocket science, Kurt. He chose you. The short time we were together was all because of the baby. He realized fairly quickly that he couldn't stand being without you. And the whole Sam thing drove him crazy. He knew you would have doubts so he wanted to make a big production out of it… serenading you in front of the Glee club. Ironic that everyone else but you got it."

"They would have told me…" Then he remembered he turned off his phone. Suddenly the hope he'd been pushing away, tried to make its way to the front of his mind.

"Exactly," she said. "You probably have a hundred messages. And when Noah couldn't reach you himself, he turned to me. That was a real slap in the face." She paused a moment before looking at him earnestly. "The truth is, Kurt, I care about him. I want him to be happy." She smiled slightly. "And his hovering over me is disturbing. I'm not keeping this baby so I can't have him sticking around just to try and change my mind. So you won. Congratulations Kurt."

His thoughts were racing around in his head, and he could barely focus on her words. Noah chose him. Not Quinn. Not a girl.

And all his friends knew. Noah was be going crazy right now. Not that he didn't deserve a little pain but still…

"Where is he?"

But Quinn was already gone.

He rushed up the stairs but by the time he reached the living room, the blonde girl was already out the door.

His dad stood in the hallway watching him expectantly.

"I'm sorry, Dad, but I have to go out."

"At this time of night? Dressed like that. I don't think it's really necessary."

How was he going to convince his dad? He had to see Noah. And he couldn't just call. He had to see his face… to know for sure it was real.

"I have to. You don't understand. I love him."

His dad smiled. "No you don't understand, Kurt. It's not necessary for you to go running around town looking for him because the boy never left. Even with the threat of a gun, he's been parked across the street this whole time, waiting."

Puck was here? Kurt gasped, rushing to the window to pull back the curtain. There he was, leaning against his car, looking worried.

"Oh, my God. I need to change. I look terrible." His words were said in a flurry as if he wasn't even sure he was saying them.

"Really? I don't think it matters. That boy doesn't care how you look right now."

Kurt smiled, finally letting himself believe it. Noah was here. He picked him, not Quinn. Who cared if he was in his PJs. He needed to go get his soon to be boyfriend.

"Thanks, Dad," he said hugging his tightly with a barely suppressed giggle.

"No problem, kiddo. Just remember I know where to get a gun if he hurts you again. You tell him I said that." His dad's stern look didn't fool him for a second. Kurt could tell he was impressed by Puck's tenaciousness.

Kurt grinned, biting his lip in excitement as he smoothed down his hair before finally heading out the door.

A/N: Thanks everyone! This isn't the end. There's a wrap up chapter, and then maybe some smut. You guys want some smut, right?


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: We are so close to the end now, but this is not the smut chapter. Really, guys? Burt is right there. Geesh! Next chapter I promise. Thanks again for all the love.

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 21

It was times like these that he wished he had a cigarette on him. Not that he smoked, because he didn't. And not that it would get him any brownie points with Mr. Hummel, because it wouldn't. Or with Kurt for that matter.

But it might just calm him down. And it would give him something to do besides just standing with his hands in his pocket feeling worthless.

Could he have possibly messed things up any worse? If only he erase the last few days…

Although really, even if he could, he wouldn't.

As much as it had hurt Kurt, he had to pick Quinn. Otherwise he would always have that doubt… that longing. It wasn't until he had her, and had lost Kurt, that he realized what he felt for her was miniscule when compared to what he felt for the fashionista.

Still he had to try for Beth's sake. He wasn't giving up on his little girl but he realized now that he couldn't live a lie just to have a chance to see her. Maybe he was being selfish. But what good could he do her if he lived his life in pain?

Because being without Kurt was painful. Not being able to talk to him, kiss him, hold him was pure torture.

It was sort of ironic that the moment he truly realized none of this would work was when he got exactly what he thought he wanted.

Quinn was his, and Kurt had found someone to replace him. Someone he practically threw at him.

Sam was a nice guy. Someone who would treat Kurt right. Puck knew that when he pushed them together. But the actual seeing them together part had ripped his soul out. Shredded his heart into tiny pieces. A food processor couldn't have done a better job of mixing up his emotions and spitting out what was a bare semblance of a man.

Puck was fucked.

He had no right to be jealous, but he was. He had no business getting into theirs but he couldn't help it.

Quinn had noticed right away.

"This isn't going to work, is it?"

Puck sighed. "No," he whispered.

"You're in love with him."

He hadn't even realized it before but once she said the words he knew they were true. After all his statements about not being gay and not becoming serious with the other boy, it all boiled down to that. He was in love with Kurt. And the other ironic thing was that what _he_ hadn't realized until then had been so apparent to those around him.

That morning Sam had cornered him in the locker room.

"What the hell is your problem, Puckerman?"

"Watch it, blondie. No one talks to the Puckster like that."

Sam just rolled his eyes. "Seriously dude?" He folded his arms across his chest. "You have a choice to make. You either need to man up, drop the cheerleader, and confess to Kurt that you're madly in love with him…"

"Or?"

"Or let him go. You can't have it both ways."

The thing was _this__speech_ coming from Quinn, he could take. Not so much from the blond Beiber- wannabe. "Why? So you can have him? I saw you drooling over him last night, Evans."

"Yeah, so I can have him. So he can be happy. Because I will never chose a girl over him. Or anyone else for that matter." The last part was whispered, and Puck suddenly realized the other boy was seriously crushing on Kurt. For a moment he felt almost a kinship to him. Only for a second though.

"Stay away from him," Puck said, a hard edge to his voice. "Because he's mine." Then he looked down solemnly. "If it's not too late."

"I hate to say this but I don't think it is. You might want to tell him though."

"I'm not sure yet how I'm gonna do that. But I need you to give me space, Evans. Back off of Kurt for now. If I screw it up, then you can have your chance. Deal?"

"Deal," Sam said with a smile. Man he really did have a big mouth and just for a second it distracted Puck. Any guy would be lucky to have him.

The other boy put his hand over his mouth. "What?" he murmured. "Do I have something in my teeth?"

Puck couldn't help the grin that spread across his face.

Waiting for Glee was Quinn's idea.

"It has to be big and public," she said. He knew she was right.

Even now thinking back he couldn't blame her. He should have started the song with, "This is for Kurt."

Then there wouldn't have been any confusion, any craziness. How could Kurt even think that song was for Quinn, though?

But he knew Kurt wasn't thinking with his head. Just his heart. And the fact that he never thought _they_were possible was due to everything Puck said and did…

It made him want to scoop Kurt up and reassure him in a way he would never forget.

And even in all the worry and pain he felt, his body still betrayed him with an inappropriately timed boner just thinking about making things up to Kurt.

That would not do. Not with Mr. Hummel looking out the window at him every few minutes, almost as if he was afraid he wouldn't ever leave… or maybe that he would.

He'd threatened to get his gun more than once. Did he even have a gun? Puck didn't think so but he knew the fury of an over protective dad better than most.

He had done everything he could think of to get to Kurt. He'd faced the wrath of Burt, twice. Sent in Mercedes, Sam, and finally Quinn. Nothing seemed to work. All he could do was stand outside and wait.

But now he was done waiting. Burt could shoot him if he wanted, but nothing was going to stop him from telling Kurt how much he loved him.

If he did smoke this would be the part where he'd throw the butt down and ground it with the heel of his cowboy boots. Even though Burt wouldn't appreciate that. Even though he didn't own cowboy boots.

Because he was done waiting.

Puck stood up straighter prepared for the fight to come. His momentum was stopped when he saw the door open. His first thought was that Mr. Hummel was also tired of waiting.

And then miraculously out stepped Kurt. Looking exhausted. Looking worried, with his hair sticking straight up.

Looking adorable in flannel pjs, that still managed to look stylish.

Most of all looking hopeful.

Puck forced himself not to run to the boy and take him in his arms. He still had a lot of groveling to do. No sense in pissing Kurt off even further.

Kurt's arms covered his chest and it made him look even more vulnerable, as if he needed protection. Puck knew the boy was tough as nails, except where his heart was concerned.

"Noah," he said when they were finally face to face. "What are you doing here?"

He had no doubt that Quinn had done her job well, and Kurt knew exactly why he was there. But the other boy wasn't going to make it easy. Puck resisted smiling at that. He wasn't past begging if that's what Kurt wanted. In fact the idea was really appealing. But they weren't to that point yet. Not with Kurt doing that superior eyebrow thing that was so fucking hot.

He cleared his throat. He really had to focus.

"I screwed up."

"That's an understatement."

"I'm sorry, Kurt."

"Tell me what you're sorry for, Noah. Sorry for picking Quinn over me? Sorry for breaking my heart? Sorry for being jealous of Sam when you had no right?"

"Actually I'm not sorry for any of those things."

Kurt chocked back a gasp. Then his face became a transparent mask once again.

"I think we're done here then."

Puck reached out to grab his arm. He had to steady himself. Just touching him took away his will to do anything else.

"Wait. Hear me out. All of those things made me realize that what I felt for Quinn or any girl I've ever been with was nothing. The pain I felt seeing you hurt… the anger I felt at Sam for being able to touch you… it was enlightening."

Kurt looked less apt to leave him standing there on the curb, but he still wasn't convinced. "How so?"

"Don't you want to know what I do regret first?"

He glared at him impatiently. "Fine. What do you regret, Noah?"

Puck gave him a crooked smile. The one that seemed to melt all the ladies, and hopefully Kurt's, heart. "I regret not hauling you up to the front of the class so there was no doubt I was singing to you. Hell, I regret not skipping the song altogether and instead kissing you so thoroughly that no one… especially you … would have any doubt about what I wanted."

"Is that so?" His voice was soft, almost afraid to speak.

"It is. Now are you ready to be enlightened?" Puck stepped closer. There was barely any distance between them, and Kurt had to look up slightly to see his face.

His breaths were unsteady, and he paused for just a second. "Yes," he whispered. "Enlighten me."

Puck touched the sides of Kurt's face gently, his thumbs caressing.

"Everything that happened… made me realize how much I love you."

"Really?"

He could see the hope in his eyes, hear the fear in his voice.

"Really, babe," he said before kissing the other boy sweetly. "I'm not happy unless I'm with you."

Puck tasted the salt in their kisses, as tears fell silently down Kurt's face.

"I love you, too, Noah." He returned his kisses eagerly. "But don't ever put me through anything like that again."

Puck moved one hand to his waist as he drew the smaller boy closer still.

"I wish your dad wasn't watching us from the window. I'd show you exactly how much I've missed you."

"Screw that," Kurt said. "I'm tired of waiting." He pressed their lips together hotly, whimpering as their tongues collided.

Even with the threat of a gun, Puck couldn't have agreed more.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Thank you all for sticking with my story even though I started it over a year ago. Here's the chocolate treat at the center of the tootsie pop. Yes, I'm referring to smut. It's in two parts because it just got too long. I hope to post the second part in a few days. Enjoy. You've earned it, and Kurt and Puck demand it, so without further ado…

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 22

"I don't want to wait."

Kurt stood over him, his hands on his hips and his blue eyes blazing.

Puck sighed in frustration as his fingers stilled on his guitar. From his vantage point on the bed he'd been watching his boyfriend pace anxiously around the room. "I think that's obvious, babe."

The glaring continued, and he knew Kurt wanted him to say more. When he didn't the other boy turned around with a huff and stormed off to the small bathroom.

He resisted the urge to throw the guitar at the closed door, instead placing it lovingly on the bed beside him. No sense in taking his frustration out on his baby. As he massaged the back of his neck, he wondered how they'd gotten to this point.

Everything had been wonderful at first.

They'd been going out for a few months now. During that time a lot had happened. Kurt's dad and Finn's mom had somehow met and fell in love. Although it wasn't anything official yet, he knew that wasn't far off.

He and Kurt had publicly announced their relationship at Glee club, because Kurt didn't want anyone to have any doubt about their status. As if their holding hands, touching every chance they got, and kissing could be mistaken for friendship. Puck knew he was a little insecure, and he could definitely understand that. Not that Kurt had anything to feel insecure about. He was amazing, and hot, and although he could get pissy, Noah still loved all of that about him. But he could see Kurt's point of view… Noah had had lots of other relationships… although relationship was probably too strong of a word for most of his encounters… while this was his first. What he didn't understand was that this was the first one for Puck that actually counted.

Kurt was special. And although the other boy knew it, he didn't actually believe it.

That was why Noah had been planning for weeks to make their first time amazing. His mom and sister were going to be out of town next weekend. He had everything planned down to the last detail. The restaurant (not Breadstix), the flowers, the candles, all the romance a boy could want. There was only one small glitch.

A sweet, sexy, porcelain skinned glitch.

Kurt just wouldn't cooperate.

Puck had tried to keep his plans secret but his boyfriend had a special knack for figuring things out. And when he had, the trouble began.

Last week was when everything really started going downhill. He knew he shouldn't have trusted Mercedes, but she knew Kurt the best.

"I'm sorry, Puck. I can't help you anymore."

"Look, Mercedes, I just have a few more questions… I want it to be perfect."

He felt like he was chasing her down the hallway. They had started out walking slowly, but she seemed determined to avoid him.

"Gotta go," she said with a wave of her hand.

Things got even more confusing during Glee club.

As they were watching Rachel Berry belt out another song, Kurt threaded their fingers together. He squeezed tightly before pulling them slowly out and then in again, teasing the sensitive skin underneath. Puck couldn't help the small groan that was thankfully drowned out by Rachel's last note. Kurt was still facing forward, the satisfied smirk telling Puck it was intentional.

He tried to pull away. Getting a boner during Glee Club was not something he wanted to do, but Kurt was having none of it. He was stronger than he looked, and he held on tightly. Kurt turned then smiling seductively. Puck couldn't look away and getting through this hour without being embarrassed seemed impossible. Then his boyfriend leaned over, putting his head on his shoulder, as Santana sang a ballad to Brittany.

One minute he was hot and sexy, and the next sweet and loving.

He was literally driving Puck crazy, which was undoubtedly his plan.

The drive home was almost as bad. Kurt touching his arm lightly. Moving his legs apart just so… caressing the gear shift. What the hell?

"Something on your mind?"

"No, not really," Kurt said, his fingers trailing along Noah's leg.

Puck had stopped his progress just in time to avoid a crash. "Trying to drive here."

"Sorry, sweetie."

Like hell he was. Puck glanced over at him. "Seriously, Kurt. What's up?"

"Nothing. I was talking to Mercedes, today. She said something about next weekend…"

"That was supposed to be a surprise. Should have known better," he mumbled.

"Well I think it's sweet. Unnecessary, but sweet. You don't need to go to all that trouble, Noah."

"I want to," he said chancing a look at his boyfriend. Kurt was staring straight ahead and no longer smiling. "Is there a problem?"

"No."

Even though he knew Kurt was trying to hide something, he dropped it for the time being.

Unfortunately it came up again during dinner. Dinner with the Hudmels.

Not the topic, just the odd behavior.

Although Puck was glad that Kurt's dad finally seemed to accept him, he knew that would be short-lived if Kurt didn't stop what he was doing.

Outwardly, there was no change. He smiled, he laughed, he talked. But under the table, he kept touching him. Puck hadn't even realized Kurt's arms could reach that far. He was sure Burt would notice something, but so far he was oblivious. Probably felt safe with that shotgun so close by.

Kurt leaned toward Puck as he talked to Finn on the other side of him. He held a roll in his right hand, while his left trailed down Puck's back, lifted up his shirt, and slipped under his waistband.

Noah nearly choked on his food as one finger teased his skin, threatening to go lower. He tried to focus on breathing and keeping his body under control. He was pretty sure getting hard while eating dinner with your boyfriend's parents was a good way to never get invited back.

And at this point he wasn't sure what he wanted to do more… throw Kurt down on the table and fuck him senseless or take his hands and tie them behind his back. Which might still lead to fucking him senseless.

Damn that boy! What was wrong with him?

"I'm serious, Finn. You need to convince Rachel to never wear that polyester pantsuit again. It's hideous." Rachel and Finn had once again got back together and no one was really surprised.

At that point Kurt's hand moved away and for a second he felt relieved. It then settled into his right front pocket. Kurt couldn't reach very far because of the way Puck was sitting… but that didn't matter. It was just the _thought_ of his hand slipping down a little further lightly teasing him… He unconsciously shifted in his seat, stretching out his legs, creating more access. The hand moved down…

"Kurt," he said rather harshly. "You need to stop. Now."

His boyfriend gave him an innocent look, while everyone else just seemed confused.

"It's just not right to pick on Berry like that," he clarified trying to salvage the situation.

Kurt just smirked at him, but he moved his hand. "Fine, have it your way."

Once dinner was over, and they were settled on the floor in Kurt's room watching a movie, he posed the question again.

"What the hell's going on, Kurt?"

"I don't know what you mean. I'm trying to watch this movie."

Noah grabbed the remote and paused the rom-com. "You've been acting strange all day. What's up?"

"Noah, I don't…"

He was still going to deny it. Puck could tell by the look on his face, but he was done listening to it. "You practically molested me in front of your family, Kurt. Are you trying to get me killed?"

"Of course not. I'm sorry. It's just hard to keep my hands to myself. What's wrong with that?"

"When we're alone, nothing. When we're surrounded by other people… okay sometimes that's hot. But not when it's in front of our friends or family. It's embarrassing, but mostly, Kurt. It's not like you at all. So I just tell me… what's going on?"

When Kurt looked at him like that with those big beautiful eyes, he could barely breathe. He could see desire and what looked like desperation. "I just want you so much, Noah. I don't want to wait anymore." His hand touched one side of his neck, while his lips skimmed the other. "Don't you want me?"

"Kurt, your fucking killing me here," he growled. "The door is open. Anyone could see us…"

"That makes it even more exciting."

Puck pulled away putting some distance between them. "Okay, I get it. You're horny. So am I, but we only have to wait until next weekend."

Kurt stood up, walking over to the door to shut it. Puck couldn't help but watch the sway of his hips. He knew he should have looked away, since he was already half-hard, but he couldn't. When Kurt returned he just stood in front of him. Puck tore his gaze from the noticeable bulge in Kurt's pants to his amused face.

"Now, let's take care of your little problem…" he whispered before straddling him. As their erections rubbed together, Puck shut his eyes, trying to keep control.

"Kurt… we can't."

Puck leaned his head back on the bed, and his boyfriend took the opportunity to attack his neck once again.

"Oh but we can…" he said shifting again, trying to get closer.

"Stop, Kurt, please."

He knew his voice was harsher than he meant it to be by the way Kurt jerked away, a sad, angry look on his face. Noah wasn't sure he was ready for the hell he was going to get, but a knock at the door interrupted them.

"Kurt? This door is supposed to be open."

His boyfriend stood up quickly, opening the door for his dad.

"Sorry, I forgot," he said with a tight smile. "But you don't have to worry. Noah was just leaving."

Nothing like the cold shoulder to cool you off. It worked better than a cold shower… Or the glare from your boyfriend's dad. Little did he know, Puck was the innocent one here.

As he drove home he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. He knew Kurt wanted him, but he'd never been so aggressive before. And while Puck could definitely get into that, there was something off. This wasn't like Kurt at all.

And as strange as it sounded, Puck didn't want to have sex with him. At least not until their weekend alone. It was hard to explain, but he wanted it to be special, perfect. Not like any other time he'd been with any other person. He loved Kurt, and he wanted this to be a beautiful memory for him. Something he'd always cherish.

But apparently Kurt had other ideas.

And everything seemed to cumulate to this moment, almost a week later. They were in his room, spending time together, and Puck had thought he was home free.

Tomorrow was the day. His mom and sister were going out of town, and they would have their special night. He only had to hold Kurt off for one more day.

They had eaten dinner with his mom and sister and then gone up to his room. Unfortunately his mom was not as uptight about things as Burt. Probably because she knew Kurt couldn't get pregnant. So she didn't care if the door was shut.

Kurt loved listening to him play his guitar. Sometimes he would even sing along. But this night was different. His eyes darkened as he watched him play.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?"

Puck had a quick comeback but once their eyes met, he lost all coherent thought. He could easily get lost in the myriad of emotions he saw there.

"Your hands are so strong and beautiful when you play," Kurt continued, his voice low and husky. "The way you grip the handle… the way you strum the chords. I want that Noah," he said moving the instrument without ever losing eye contact. "I want to be that guitar. I want you to grip me…" He placed Noah's hand on his already growing erection. "I want you to strum me… your hands touching me all over." Kurt was in his lap… when had that happened?... pushing into his hand. Puck's other hand had moved of its own accord, threading through Kurt's hair and pulling him closer.

The kiss was heated, their mouths seeking and hungry. He'd honestly never been this turned on this quickly in all his life. He knew it was due to the steady barrage of sexual advances during the last week. Kurt seemed determined to seduce him. And Puck was honestly past the point of caring anymore.

He pulled him down with him, and then flipped them so Kurt was on the bottom. Puck grabbed his wandering hands, and held them tightly over his head. This is what he'd wanted to do for days. It was his turn to tease… to torture.

As he stretched their hands up, he slid his body down, creating an amazing friction. Kurt whimpered in response.

"Noah…"

"You are the guitar, Kurt," he whispered his hands skimming over the heated body, stopping now and then to tweak a nipple or trace a muscle. "So tight, so beautiful… I just want to play you."

"Please… now. Just do it now."

He couldn't argue. He was past that point. Kurt was going to get what he wanted. Nothing could stop him now.

"Noah? Mom wants you to take out the trash."

They both stopped moving as the voice came from behind the closed door.

Okay, nothing but his little sister. How could he have forgotten? They weren't alone. In fact that was one of the main reasons they were supposed to be waiting.

"Okay," he said quickly before she decided to just barge in. "Be right down."

She giggled as she ran down the stairs.

Kurt rolled over burying his head in a pillow.

"I'll be right back." There was no answer from his boyfriend, and Puck stood up waiting for his body to cooperate, before rushing downstairs.

Although he knew Kurt was frustrated he was actually glad for the interruption. This wasn't what he wanted at all. And he still couldn't figure out why Kurt didn't want to wait.

He hurried through the chore anxious to get back to his room. Kurt was sitting on the bed, strumming the guitar.

"Sorry, babe."

"It's okay. Not your fault." He smiled but his face was still flushed and the remnants of desire were still there in his eyes. "I think I can remember where we were."

Obviously this was going to be more difficult than he imagined.

"Kurt, my mom's downstairs."

His smile tightened. "We'll just have to be quiet."

"Babe…"

"So you're not going to have sex with me. Is that it?" He stood up, crossing his arms protectively.

"I am… just not tonight. Not with my mom and sister downstairs."

He nodded, his lips a thin line. "Of course. I understand. Maybe I should just go."

But Puck didn't want him to leave, especially not like this. He pulled him into a hug. "Stay, please? I'll serenade you."

Kurt gave him a little smile as he pulled him back on the bed. Puck grabbed his guitar singing a silly song until they were both laughing. Feeling better, he relaxed, humming softly along with the music. Kurt watched him, a serious look on his face. Puck wanted to ask him why he looked so sad, but he was afraid of the answer. Something was definitely not right.

Suddenly Kurt stood up, walking around the room nervously. He knew this was the moment. Everything seemed to lead to this.

And so he wasn't at all surprised by Kurt's words.

"I don't want to wait."

"I think that's obvious, babe."

He was, however, surprised by his boyfriend's reaction to his response. And now he was sitting here wondering what to do next, while Kurt was holed up in his bathroom.

"Babe…?" He put his ear to the door listening for any clue as to what was going on in his boyfriend's mind. "Let's talk about this."

"Nothing to talk about." His voice wavered with the sound of unshed tears.

"Baby, please come out."

The door opened slowly. Kurt stood there looking upset but also ashamed.

"I'm gonna go."

Puck wrapped his arms around him. "I love you so much, Kurt. You know that, right?" He could feel the nod of his head beneath his chin. "And you can't doubt that I want you. So please tell me what's up."

A small shrug was all he got.

"Because it feels like we're fighting, and I don't even know what about. We both want the same thing right? Hot boy sex?"

Kurt giggled a little. Surely that was a good sign. "I don't want to tell you," he whispered finally. "It's too embarrassing."

Puck lifted his chin up. "Please? I can't stand this, babe."

"Fine," he said pulling away. "I'll tell you, but first I want to know why you want to wait."

"Besides the obvious cock blocker disguised as my little sister?"

"Yeah, besides that."

Once they were both comfortable on the bed, Noah ran his hand over his Mohawk. How to explain?

"I just want it to be special, Kurt. I've been with a few people…" he paused searching his boyfriend's face. He wanted to be honest, but he didn't want to upset him. They both knew 'a few' was an understatement. "But none of them really mattered to me. You… matter. You're important to me Kurt. I love you so much. I want our first time to be special. I want it to be perfect for you."

Kurt was nodding, and he took that as a good sign.

"It's ironic really, that those are the same reasons I don't want to wait."

Okay that didn't make any sense. He was smart enough not to say it out loud though. "I don't understand."

Kurt sighed. "This will be my first time…"

"I know, that's why…" he started, but Kurt held up his hand.

"You don't get to talk. It's my turn now."

Puck knew when to be quiet, and he silently motioned for him to continue.

"You may have realized… I have no idea what I'm doing. You've been with so many people… and that doesn't really bother me. I just feel so … inadequate."

"You know how much I want you."

"I do," Kurt said with a sad smile. "But what if you're disappointed?"

Puck shook his head. Was this really what he was worried about? "You could never disappoint me."

"That's not true, Puck," he said with a sigh. "Let me explain it a different way. Have you ever gone somewhere… an amusement park, a concert, on vacation somewhere? And you build it up in your head. The anticipations are exciting, addictive… you just can't wait. But when you get there, it doesn't live up to your expectations. It can't possibly because they were so high. That's what I'm afraid of. That I won't be able to live up to your expectations."

"That's not going to happen, Kurt."

"You don't know that. Realistically the first time may not be that great. Considering, I'm clueless, nervous as hell, and afraid of how much it's going to hurt."

"Don't forget this is my first time with a guy, too. We're in this together."

"I know. And that just emphasizes my point. If we make a big production out of it and it falls flat, that will be your memory…out memory. But if it's spontaneous, a moment of passion… the pressure's off. I don't have to feel like I'm performing. It'll be natural. And then if it's awkward and not that great… it's okay. I mean, I know we'll get there. There's no doubt about that. After all I'm a perfectionist at heart. And I'm willing to spend a lot of time practicing."

Puck pulled his boyfriend into a hug. "I feel like a jerk."

"You should," Kurt said. "Tulips, candles, chocolate mints… Trying to make your boyfriend happy. You should be ashamed of yourself."

Damn that Mercedes. He probably knew everything. But he couldn't help but smile in return.

"I love you, Noah. Enough to sacrifice… to give up my dream of taking you in a whirlwind of spontaneous passion."

"I love you, too. And you can take me anytime, Kurt."

The kiss was soft, demanding nothing, but promising a lot.

It was a sweet moment. A perfect moment. One that was doomed to be ruined.

"Puck. Mom wants to see you downstairs now. So stop kissing Kurt and get down here."

And his boyfriend had the nerve to giggle.

"I'll take care of you when I get back." His voice was stern as he swatted Kurt lightly on the ass. Maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to do. The look on his face was downright lustful.

"Hurry back," Kurt said breathlessly. "I'll be waiting."

tbc


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: So here it is. Almost a year late. I appreciate everyone out there continuing to read this. I have two more chapters after this. You guys deserve a little treat for not giving up on this story. I hope to post the next part tomorrow. I would say reviews would make me post faster, but at this point not sure I deserve any reviews other that "stop taking so long!" Still all reviews, even if they're just gripes, are appreciated. It lets me know you're still out there.

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 23

"Babe, you gotta stop. You're torturing her."

Kurt's fingers stilled on the guitar as he glanced up at his boyfriend. He'd been waiting a long time for Puck to return. A very long time. He'd even considered leaving, since Mrs. Puckerman obviously needed her son's help. Kurt felt like maybe he was just in the way.

He couldn't leave though. Not until he was sure they were okay.

When he thought back to their disagreement- it didn't qualify as a fight really-he realized how insane it all was. They both wanted the same thing. Hot boy sex. A way to show how much they loved each other. He knew he'd been making a big deal out of nothing, so he was determined to make it up to his boyfriend. If Puck wanted romance, wanted things to be special, then that was what he deserved. Kurt couldn't let his insecurities get in the way.

All this had been on his mind as he waited patiently, absently playing Puck's guitar. But now his boyfriend was standing there, looking sexy, and accusing him of abusing his most prized possession.

"I'm not," Kurt said with a slight pout. After all, the light strumming could hardly be called sadistic in nature.

"It's not like playing the piano, babe. You can't just pound away at her," he said moving closer to where Kurt was sitting, perched on the edge of the bed. "Here let me show you."

Kurt shook his head. It wasn't that important. The main reason he'd picked up Puck's guitar-his baby-in the first place was because it made him feel closer to him. As if it was an extension of the boy himself.

It was also a way to pass the time. Before that he'd tried out Puck's hand weights, ran his hands lovingly over the clothes in his closet, and made a "snow" angel on his bed.

"Seriously, I want to teach you."

The sensual tone in Puck's voice stopped him from setting the guitar aside. Kurt could only nod in response. His throat was dry, his voice caught.

Then Puck was behind him on the bed, his strong legs pressed firmly against him. Those wonderful arms were wrapped around him. Kurt loved this...the feeling of being enveloped by Puck. This all-consuming closeness that was almost unbearable.

"The important thing," Puck said, his strong hands taking covering his, as his breath scorched the back of Kurt's neck, "is to grab it like you mean it." His hand tightened over Kurt's, as he moved his fingers to the proper position. "Then you just tease the strings gently." His other hand guided Kurt's fingers until he was strumming lightly. "Of course there are times when you need a more forceful touch… but we'll just save that for later."

Kurt was having difficulty. He was listening to everything his boyfriend was saying, and that was part of the problem. There was no way he could ignore the innuendos in his words. And he was also sure he wasn't supposed to.

"This is how you play the G major chord. Now you try." Puck moved his hands, and Kurt obediently played the chord. Puck kissed him softly on the neck. "Keep going," he whispered.

How was he supposed to concentrate with the way Puck was now kissing, licking, and biting his shoulder? But he knew he couldn't move his fingers out of position. For one thing, there was no way he could remember how they were placed. Too many other things were distracting him. The strong muscles of Puck's thighs pressed against him. The feel of his broad chest firmly against his back. The growing erection pushing into his ass. How in the hell was he supposed to focus on playing the guitar at all?

"Noah…"

"You're doing great, babe," he said. "Such a fast learner."

That encouragement, spoken hotly against his neck, gave him new focus. He could do this. He could show Puck that he was a good student. No matter what he wanted to teach him. He continued playing the G Chord, keeping his touch light, just like he was shown.

Except, with Puck gripping his thighs like that, he was having difficulty breathing.

_Breathe in, breathe out. You can_ _do this_.

It was like a mantra in his head. He _could _do this.

But at that moment, Puck's hands moved up, closer to where Kurt wanted them, and he lost all will to continue. He didn't want to play the guitar. Not when they could be doing _other _things. And he no longer cared about his finger positions. Well he did, but it certainly didn't involve a guitar.

The strumming stopped as he let his fingers fall. "Noah, let's forget about this." he said, his voice husky. "Instead, let me take care of _this._" He pushed back into Puck's hard-on to emphasis his point.

Puck just sighed, moving his hands from Kurt's legs. "You need to focus, babe. This is important."

It was then that Kurt realized the game they were playing. If he stopped … so did Puck. But still, what was the point? Unless torture was part of his agenda. "How is this important?" he asked. "I apologize for abusing your baby, but I've learned my lesson. Can we just move on now?"

"You seriously can't see the benefit of this?" he said. "Learning to grip, strum, and tweak all at the same time? While also enjoying pleasure and not having it overwhelm you? How about being able to control your body enough to make things last? Imagine the payoff here, babe."

Every nerve in his body was tingling with anticipation at his words. The thought of taking pleasure while also giving it to his boyfriend was suddenly there in his mind. He was so hard and aching from the teasing and his words that he was afraid of coming just from that. This was definitely a lesson he needed to learn. Quickly.

Kurt positioned his fingers once again, indicating he was ready. Puck chuckled softly behind him as he helped move his fingers to the correct position. Kurt played the chord several times, until Puck told him to stop.

"Now we're going to make it a little _harder_."

Kurt knew his choice of words were intentional, especially when he whispered that word into his ear. He bit back a groan, because seriously could he even get more aroused? His determination overruled his straining erection at this point. He was going to prove he could do this to his boyfriend.

_You can do this. _

Puck moved his fingers again. "This is a C major chord. I'm sure you recognize it. It's not that different from the piano."

He scoffed. At this point he wasn't sure he could recognize an original Marc Jacobs scarf if it was draped across his boyfriend's body. And then his traitorous mind had to conjure up his last season's Marc Jacob's scarf artfully laid out over taunt muscles, the emerald green a stark contrast to tan skin and dark body hair, and he was suddenly, once again, realizing why he needed this lesson so much. He willed his body to behave. It would be humiliating to not even last through the guitar lesson.

_Deep breaths._

As he got his body under control, he filed that little kink that he didn't even know he had away. Because seriously if he let himself explore the possibility of that scarf tied around hands or feet… it would be over quickly.

"Focus, babe."

He played the note. Over and over, ignoring his body, his mind only on the note he needed to play. Puck's hands once again were on his thighs. Moving slowly, but surely, toward their goal. A goal Kurt couldn't think about.

"Now switch from the G to the C chord and back again." His hands were so close to Kurt's erection that any slight movement by either of them would make it a reality.

And suddenly Kurt was angry. Frustrated was probably a better word but right now it felt like the same thing. Surely sex couldn't be this difficult. It would be natural, right? His hands touching, while his body was being touched? And maybe he wouldn't last… probably he wouldn't last, but this…_this…_ was just torture. But he wouldn't let Puck win. Kurt could do anything if he set his mind to it, and right now he was going to wipe that smirk off his boyfriend's face. Not that he could see his face, but he knew it was there, all the same.

"No problem," Kurt said, trying and failing to take the breathiness out of his voice. Maybe that would work in his favor, he thought, as he settled in, trying to get more comfortable. And if in the process he accidently rubbed up against Puck, well, that couldn't be helped. Of course, he forgot how close his boyfriend's hand was, and the pleasurable jolt he felt from the slight touch was so achingly brief, he almost caved in and gave up. The moan from behind him reminded him of his mission, though, and helped him focus on changing notes as he strummed the guitar once again.

"Like this, sweetie?" he asked innocently. "Am I holding this tight enough?"

In one quick motion Puck was off the bed, and Kurt thought maybe he'd won. That they were done with torture, and moving on to more enjoyable things. Not that he wasn't enjoying this in some way, because he was more aroused now then he could ever remember, although he was sure that was just the hormones talking.

"Great, babe, but I need you to stand up."

He realized as Puck helped him to his feet that the game was not over quite yet.

"Don't stop. I want to hear each chord three times."

Kurt let out a frustrated huff. There was absolutely no way he could do this. Remember the chords and how to count? All while Puck was sinking to his knees in front of him? His boyfriend was seriously upping the ante.

_You can do this. _

Kurt focused on strumming the chords, counting in his head. _One, two, three. One, two, three. _Trying desperately to ignore the way Puck was unbuttoning his shirt, opening it wide. The way he was trailing his hands beneath his under shirt, his thumbs caressing his stomach_. One, two, three. You can do this_.

He felt the button on his jeans pop open and the zipper being lowered. As the sides were pulled apart, his erection was suddenly less confined. _One… What was after one again? _He couldn't remember and wasn't sure it mattered any more. Puck was thisclose to his hard, eager dick. If he was really paying attention to whether Kurt was playing the chords correctly and in order, there was seriously something wrong with him. He gave up all pretense of trying to play it correctly and just strummed the damn thing.

Puck didn't seem to notice as he pulled Kurt's jeans down to his ankles.

_You can do this._

Kurt's playing was a little shaky as his fingers took out their frustration on Puck's baby. His mind was gone. His body was tight with anticipation while he waited for the next touch. Not sure if it would be hands or tongue… or both. He suddenly couldn't wait, and he moved the guitar slightly so he could see. And that's what did it. The sight of his boyfriend on his knees, his lips parted, tongue peeking out…

_You can't fucking do this._

He must have expressed the last bit out loud because Puck was now looking at him.

"Babe?"

Kurt reached down, grabbing the short hair of his Mohawk as he pulled the other boy up. With his other hand he gently put the guitar aside.

"Let's face it, Noah. I'm not meant to play the guitar," he said. "I'm better at playing other instruments."

"Like the piano?"

"Among other things," Kurt said with a smirk as his free hand reached down to stroke his boyfriend through his pants. Puck groaned and in that moment he felt powerful. "Let's see what I've learned, shall we?" He slipped his hand inside, grabbing his bare cock. "Always have a good grip." He increased the pressure, causing the other boy to pant slightly. "Then remember to strum lightly, increasing pressure as necessary." He swiped his thumb against the slit. "Like so."

"Fuck, Kurt. Babe. I…" He stopped, obviously unable to talk coherently.

"Having trouble, sweetie? You just need to focus. This is for your benefit, after all."

"Fuck I'm sorry… just. Don't. Stop."

"No worries. You _will_ be making it up to me," Kurt said before crushing their mouths together. He was so ready for this, ready to give his body what it wanted. The kiss was hot, demanding, both fighting for control. Kurt pushed Puck's pants down and out of his way. He grabbed both of them in his hand squeezing, and proving once again what a quick learner he was.

"God, baby, just fuck me already."

Puck's words had the opposite effect on him. He pulled away, looking up at his boyfriend in surprise. Even though things had escalated quickly, he didn't think they'd be doing _that_. Not tonight at least. The plan had been to wait until tomorrow. And although he had initially pushed for this, he was suddenly okay with waiting.

"But your mom and sister are downstairs."

"Actually, they aren't. That was what took so long. Mom decided to leave tonight. We're all alone."

"But I don't understand. Why?"

Puck tilted his head slightly. "Does it really matter why?"

"No, I suppose not. It's just. .. I thought we were going to wait until tomorrow. You went to so much trouble to make it special for me."

Puck cupped his face, running his thumb fondly over his cheek. "But you don't want that… remember? Spontaneous, you said."

"I… changed my mind."

Puck kissed him softly. "It's okay to be scared."

"I'm not scared," he said. _Terrified was more like it. _And from the look on Puck's face, he realized it, too. "Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous. What if I'm just no good at it?"

"Not possible, babe. I just about jizzed in my pants just knowing you were going to touch me… and your voice is sex itself. The end goal is to make each other feel good and show how much we love each other. You really think anything could mess that up?"

Kurt smiled and kissed him sweetly. His boyfriend was amazing. And he knew Puck was right. It would be great, no matter what happened. But that wasn't all he was worried about. He looked down, ashamed to admit his weakness.

"It's going to hurt," he said not daring to look at Puck's face. "It's not that I'm afraid of a little pain," he added quickly. "But what if I can't go through with it?"

Puck tilted Kurt's chin up with his hand so he had to look at him. "Then we'll stop until you're ready. I love you." He pulled him into a kiss. "Think of it like an adventure we're going through. It doesn't matter where we end up, it's the journey we take together that counts."

Kurt couldn't help the giggle that escaped. This boy, this wonderful boy loved him and would still love him, no matter what happened. And Kurt _was _a quick learner. It suddenly hit him, really hit him, that they might be having sex. No… probably… almost definitely would be having sex, tonight. Soon. A shudder ran through his body. He wanted this. Wanted Puck. His fears could just shut the hell up already.

"And I have to admit, babe," Puck continued, "even though it's probably wrong on some level, that I love the idea of being your first. Being the one to show you, to bring you pleasure that no one else has ever given you. Sorry, if I'm being an ass by saying that."

"No, it's fine, I'm glad you'll be my first." He ignored the voice in his head. The one that reminded him, he was not Puck's first. Not by a long shot. He didn't know the number and didn't want to know. The only important thing was that he would be his last. That voice could shut the hell up too.

"So you ready, babe? Ready to let me fuck you?"

Kurt smiled coyly at him, biting his lip. It was a testament to how well his boyfriend knew him. He wasn't offended at all by the crassness of his question. Kurt liked a little dirty talk. Another kink he recently discovered thanks to this boy. He knew Puck loved him. He didn't need declarations every second. The thought that his boyfriend was turned on, aroused, fucking fell apart because of _him_ was a definite aphrodisiac.

But there was still one last doubt. "You wanted it to be special…"

Puck didn't let him finish. He kissed Kurt gently, his feelings evident.

"You're what makes it special."

Kurt felt his eyes tear up, but quickly swallowed it down. There was a time and a place for everything. And now was the time for something he could no longer wait another minute for.

"I'm ready, Noah," he said. "Take me."


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: Thanks to everyone who continued to follow this story. This is the end, although there might be a short epilogue. Hope it was all worth the wait. Please review and let me know your thoughts.

Beyond the Pain

Chapter 24

"No, stop, wait…" Kurt fell back heavily against the headboard, knocking it into the wall, as he scrambled to get away. "I'm serious, Noah," he gasped between giggles.

"You don't sound serious."

Kurt tried to give him a stern look, but the effect was lessened by the sparkle in his eyes.

"I said 'take me' not 'tickle me'," he said as he tried to lunge off the bed. Puck caught him mid-air and threw him back on the bed, successfully pinning him down.

He gave him a moment to recover, enjoying the breathless giggles and pink tinged cheeks of his boyfriend. Kurt was so gorgeous. He wasn't sure how he got so lucky. Things had certainly changed for him since they officially started dating. He essentially came out to the whole school. The football team was hesitant to accept him at first, but since Puck was important to them winning the season, they soon came around. The hockey team was another matter. Not that Puck cared what they thought. It was just that 'Rick the dick' was trying to make his life hell. Slushies he could handle but the constant fights was bringing his mom into things. She adored Kurt so that wasn't the problem. It was the fact that he was sinning. But since he'd not done so well in that respect for years, he was able to convince her he was just trading one sin for another so what did it matter? Her affection for Kurt won in the end. At least that was her reasoning as she took his sister and left them alone for a week while she visited family in Chicago.

"Are you just going to stare at me all night, or actually use this thing poking me in the leg?"

Puck smiled. His gorgeous boyfriend was beneath him, wanting his attention. He really needed to focus. Sliding upward, he was rewarded with a low moan of appreciation from Kurt as their erections rubbed together. "You mean like that?"

"Oh God yes,"

Unable to resist any longer, Puck kissed him fiercely. Everything else was forgotten but the hard body beneath him and the amazing heat of the tongue sliding against his. Kurt finally pulled away, gasping for air.

"Clothes… off," he said tugging on Puck's shirt.

He liked to give credit where credit was due… and getting naked was a damn good idea. They hurried to discard their few remaining clothes.

The press of flesh against flesh was even better than he remembered. Kurt wrapped his strong legs around him as they rocked together. Puck knew he had to slow down their pace or it would be over much too quickly.

"Babe," he whispered as he pulled back slightly, Kurt following with his eyes, hooded with lust and slight concern. "I'm not gonna last if you keep doing that. You're just so fucking beautiful."

Kurt smiled, his dimples showing, totally proving his point, as his tongue licked his kiss swollen lips.

"Oh how the mighty Puckzilla has fallen… or risen actually. Aren't you supposed to be a sex god or something?" he teased.

"Not any more. I now worship at your feet."

Kurt laughed. "Noah, sweetie. That's cheesy as hell."

"Doesn't make it any less true."

He couldn't help the serious tone in his voice. Kurt was the David to his Goliath. He was fallen, and he didn't regret a second of it.

"I love you," Kurt said matching his tone for a just a second before continuing. "But more worshiping needs to happen. Like now. This king's scepter needs polishing…"

"Babe, that was bad," he said with a laugh. "But your wish is my command." He moved slightly so he could reach between them, his hand wrapping around his boyfriend's cock. Kurt's eyes fluttered close and his lips parted slightly as Puck stroked him.

He peppered kisses on his jaw and chin, unable to resist the sweetness, the vulnerability of Kurt in that moment. He attacked his neck, licking and sucking the pale skin.

Kurt whimpered as he removed his hand. He tried to keep the friction going with his body instead.

"Open, babe," he whispered. Kurt eagerly sucked on the finger offered, almost causing him to lose focus. He kissed him again heatedly as he moved the now slick finger down to Kurt's hole.

The reaction was immediate, although not the one he expected. Kurt tensed up, his eyes springing open.

"Is the king ready to be crowned?" Puck said trying to regain their light mood.

"We're done with that…"

"Okay."

Puck sat up. Something was definitely wrong. Kurt was staring up at the ceiling, looking like he was ready to cry.

"Babe?" Puck cupped his cheek, turning his face so he couldn't avoid his gaze. "What is it?"

"Just nervous." Kurt smiled weakly at him.

"No reason to be…"

"Really?"

Puck ignored the slight edge to his voice. "It'll be fine," he said. "Nothing to it." That was a mistake.

"And you know this how?" Kurt said sitting up, his eyes flashing. "Because you've had something huge shoved up your ass?"

Of course, he had experimented some, but he decided not to mention that. Kurt was a little scary right now.

"I'm not that big, babe. But it's nice to hear," he joked.

"Not the point, Puck."

"If you're not ready, Kurt, then we don't have to do it," he said, taking his boyfriend's hands in his. "I mean it. Even if you don't ever want to do that. We'll just do other stuff."

Kurt's face crumbled, his anger gone. "I do want to… I just…" He looked down sadly. "This is all my fault."

"Hey, it's no one's fault…"

"But it is, Noah," he said tilting his head slightly with a sad smile. "Confession time." He sighed heavily. "When I thought I was in love with … well, before, it was romantic. I didn't think about sex. Didn't want to. All I wanted was a touch of the hand. A sweet kiss. That was love to me."

Puck nodded, encouraging him to continue. Not that he wanted to think about Finn or how Kurt felt about him, but he somehow knew this was important.

"Then I met you. And nothing could have prepared me. The feelings of need, of pure want. It scared me and excited me at the same time. And for the first time I actively masturbated. Not just in the middle of the night when I would wake up hard, but all the freaking time. I couldn't go through the day without thinking of you, wanting you."

Kurt's cheeks were tinged pink, from either embarrassment or excitement, or a little of both. He wasn't sure which, but it was one of the hottest things he'd ever seen. Still, he needed to pay attention to his boyfriend's heartfelt explanation, instead of just perving on him.

Kurt looked up at him, his blue eyes still darkened with lust, yet shining with unshed tears. "Still there were some things I couldn't try. Not even when we became official and I knew it was going to happen. I wanted to… but the idea of watching porn depressed me, and I didn't know exactly what to do."

"Babe," Puck said as he pulled him into his arms. "We don't have to do that." He rubbed his back soothingly.

"But I want to," Kurt said his words muffled against his chest. He pulled away to look him in the eyes. "That's the problem. When I think about having you inside me… I want it so much. But the reality is when you touch me there, all I can think about is the pain I'm going to feel. I panic," he admitted. "If I'd just experimented more, this wouldn't be an issue. God, I'm such a prude."

"You're not a prude, Kurt," he said tilting his head to look at him. "Your body is so responsive it should be illegal."

"In some states, it is."

"And," Puck continued with a smirk, "your thoughts are so dirty, your daddy would be shocked speechless."

"Okay, let's leave my dad out of this, please."

But he got the desired response. Kurt was now smiling up at him.

"So what I suggest is that we start slow. Agonizingly slow. Until you're begging me to fill you up. And if it takes hours or days or months or years… doesn't matter. We'll do this together."

He must have said the right thing because he suddenly had an armful of Kurt, hugging him tightly.

"I'm so lucky, Noah."

"No, I'm the lucky one. That you bestow this mere mortal…"

"So done with that."

Puck obediently stopped talking as he pulled him closer. Kneeling on the bed with their bodies flush against each other, they kissed eagerly, their earlier passion reignited. His hand moved down to grab his boyfriend's ass. "I love you so much, Kurt," he finally breathed. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." The answer was automatic yet deliberate.

"I want to touch you. I won't do more until you ask me to. Okay?"

Kurt nodded with a nervous smile.

"Good, now lie down."

He did as requested, staring brightly up at him.

"Before I touch, I want to see? Can you show me, babe?"

Kurt tinged pink again. Instead of answering he pulled his legs up and apart, exposing his dark hole.

Puck couldn't help the groan that escaped. The sight of Kurt offering himself up. His skin tinged with excitement. His dick hard against his stomach. His hole exposed and ready. And the thought that he trusted him so completely. "Fuck, Kurt. You're so damn hot."

"Touch me."

He trailed his hand down the slightly quivering thigh, teasingly slow, watching his boyfriend's face for his reaction. A firm stroke of his dick had him moaning loudly. He then cupped his sac, carefully squeezing…

"Please, Noah…"

His hand moved lower, finally reaching his goal. He caressed the puckered skin with his thumb, going in a circle, until he pressed gently against the center.

"Fuck… more, please more."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, yes, yes."

Puck moved away completely, causing Kurt's eyes to open. "Noah," he whined.

"Patience, babe."

He retrieved the supplies he needed from his bedside table, before returning to his spot. He settled Kurt's legs against his shoulders. "Relax," he said soothingly. "Give me your hand." He coated his boyfriend's finger with the cool gel and guided it to his anus. Lifting up with his shoulders, he caused Kurt's legs to spread even further.

"Touch yourself," he said. "Show me what you want."

Although Puck's fingers were there guiding him, Kurt was the one in charge. He tentatively pushed and a groan escaped his lips as his fingertip slipped in. Puck rubbed against it, showing him how to relax the tight ring of muscles. Unlike Kurt, he had watched porn and lots of it. And done some experimenting of his own.

As the tightness eased, the finger slipped further inside. Puck waited until he thought he was ready and then pushed his in as well. Kurt was panting, but not in an anxious way. "Okay, babe?"

A nod was all he got, but it was enough. As Kurt curled his finger instinctively, Puck pulled in the opposite direction, opening him up further. Once his boyfriend was able to tolerate the whole finger, he guided him to where he thought his prostrate was at. He knew immediately when they found it by his cry of pleasure.

"Oh my God, Noah!"

He smiled in triumph as he rocked them both back and forth, causing Kurt to hit the spot again and again.

"More, more…"

Kurt was moving his hand and for a second Puck thought he was done. But he soon realized he was just adding another finger, pumping vigorously in and out of his hole.

It didn't seem to be enough.

His eyes flew open and through the haze of lust, Puck could see determination.

"I want you. In me."

"Are you sure, Kurt?" He had to be sure. Because once he started, he wasn't sure he could back out. What if his need overtook him? He couldn't hurt him. He had to be sure.

"In me. Now!"

He didn't need any more persuading. He left Kurt to his own devices, trying not to get distracted by the sight of his boyfriend fucking himself on his own fingers. Hurriedly, his hands shaking slightly, he pulled on the condom, slathering it with lube.

"Ready, babe?"

Kurt nodded frantically, his usually pristine hair falling carelessly across his brow. His cheeks pink with excitement and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Puck watched his face intently as he slid into his still tight hole. Watched for any signs of fear or regret or panic, but all he saw was lust and pleasure as Kurt stared back at him.

All at once it was too much. He had to close his eyes, trying not to come too early as he pumped into him. He wanted this to be good for his boyfriend. Wanted his first time to be amazing. So he tried to control his body, until he felt the tensing of Kurt's body and his grunts of satisfaction as his climax hit him. No longer able to hold on, Puck helplessly followed his example. It was more intense than anything he'd ever felt before.

Finally, after they both came down, he tried to slide out.

"Wait, Noah."

He looked down at him, warmed by the love in his eyes, and touched by the blush on his face.

"I want to remember this moment. How much I love you… trust you. Everything we've been through together. I still can't believe it led to this. To us."

He felt the tears on his cheeks before he even realized he was crying. Normally, he didn't like looking weak, but with Kurt he didn't care. He could show his true emotions. Be himself.

"There's not been a lot of that in my life before now," Puck said. "Trust, I mean. But here you are...I'm not sure what I did to deserve you." He smiled at the still flushed and gorgeous boy beneath him. "But I sure hope I keep doing it. I love you, Kurt."

Their kisses were sweet and unhurried, as if they were trying to share the same breath. Puck slowly pulled out, ignoring the stickiness between them as he cuddled against his boyfriend and nibbled his chin playfully.

Kurt tightened his hold, and without warning, turned them over so he was the one on top. His look was triumphant.

"Whatcha doin' babe?"

"I don't think you've realized this yet," he said with a smirk as he ran his hands over Puck's muscled chest. "But you've created a monster. A sex-craved monster."

"Like Puckzilla?"

"Sweetie, Puckzilla won't know what hit him when Kurtella gets a hold of him."

"Is that so?" He flexed his fingers before wiggling them in a tickling motion. Kurt scrambled to get away but was not fast enough. Puck dug into the sensitive area underneath his arms, waiting to strike…drawing out the torture. "Well then, babe," he said with a smirk. "Let the battle begin."

As Kurt tried to get away, his giggles filling the room, Puck was suddenly struck by how much things had changed. He had used this boy as a way to dull the pain. To reduce the ache in his heart… the feeling of not being wanted… of not being loved. Trying to overcome the feelings of intense loneliness.

And now they were together and happy and complete.

And neither of them would ever feel that pain again.

The End


End file.
